A discussion of pornography typically focuses on the user with little help directed at the healing of the afflicted spouse or family member.
In the documentary “Out in the Light” Steve and Rhyll Crowshaw share their story of how Steve’s pornography addiction impacted their marriage for more than 30 years. Through it all, Rhyll has found personal peace and healing and shares what she has learned through her experience.
Rhyll’s tips for finding hope and healing:
1. Seek information. Rhyll says, “Education about the addiction helped soften the feeling that I had been personally attacked and was one of the steps to refining my hope.”
2. Take care of yourself. Rhyll says, “I needed healing… not because I was weak but because I had been hurt.” Rhyll recommends taking time to slow down your emotions.
3. Find support and safety through: A 12-step group and sponsor; qualified counseling; a strong spiritual connection; boundaries – refusing to enable addict behaviors such as lying, victim attitude, blaming, and resentment.
4. Recognizing you have a choice in how you feel and how you approach the challenge. Rhyll says, “If I live in the past, I live with resentment. If I live in the future, I live with fear which paralyzes me. I started to learn to live in the present and be grateful for the present moment.”