We all want to be more happy.
In a world that constantly tells us to do more, be more, and chase more, it’s easy to believe that happiness is something we have to earn. But what if happiness isn’t something we find at the end of a long pursuit—but something we already have?
Studio 5 Relationship Contributor Dr. Matt Townsend challenged the conventional wisdom around happiness. “Happiness isn’t something we earn… happiness is something we remember,” he said. Matt shared five mindset shifts that can help us reconnect with the joy that’s already inside us.
1. Stop Chasing, Start Noticing
We often treat happiness like a finish line—something we’ll reach once we’ve achieved enough. But Matt flipped that idea on its head, saying, “You’re not going to find happiness in a chase.”
Instead of chasing outcomes, he encouraged us to notice what’s already present. “Just start noticing the space between you and everything that’s going on,” he said, reminding us that happiness lives in the now, not in the next milestone.
2. Be Present, Even While Pursuing Goals
Ambition isn’t the enemy of happiness—but it can be if we’re always living in the future. Whether it’s a vision board, a marathon, or a graduation, we often miss the joy of the moment because we’re already thinking about what’s next. “When you finally have it manifest… you better be present,” Matt said. “Still push, but in the present.” The present is the only place we truly live, and learning to appreciate it is key to lasting joy.
3. Embrace Stillness as a Superpower
In a culture addicted to noise and productivity, stillness can feel uncomfortable—even guilt-inducing. But Matt argued that stillness is where happiness lives. “Seek the stillness. Seek the quietness. It really is the superpower,” he said.
Whether it’s sitting quietly while your kids make a mess or walking without headphones, stillness allows us to connect with something deeper. “Your essence just cannot get enough stillness,” he added.
4. Unlearn What No Longer Serves You
Many of us carry beliefs from childhood or past experiences that no longer serve us. Whether it’s “I’m not a math person” or “I have to please everyone,” these assumptions shape our behavior and limit our joy. Matt encouraged us to “go start noticing what are the things that you’ve been carrying… that we just probably need to let go of.” He called this process “unlearning”—letting go of outdated beliefs and making space for new, healthier ones.
Even boredom, he said, can be a gateway to creativity and insight: “In boredom is genius. Creativity. Just sparking ready to pop.”
5. Let Go of Performance and Be Real
We often present a version of ourselves that we think others expect. But this performative way of living disconnects us from our true selves—and from genuine happiness. “How I’m presenting myself isn’t rooted in who I even am. It’s who I think that you think I am,” Matt said.
He encouraged us to drop the act and show up as we are. “As soon as we start accepting it, we don’t have to perform half as much,” he added. Authenticity creates space for real connection and joy.
You Don’t Have to Earn Happiness
Matt shared that you don’t have to do more to deserve happiness. You don’t have to earn it. You’re already wired for it. “The happiest people on earth will be generally from the poorest countries that have the least,” he said.
Gratitude, presence, stillness, and authenticity—these are the real keys to happiness. “Count your blessings… and then see what happens,” Matt concluded.
Find more advice from Matt at matttownsend.com.
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