These are some ways to heal from emotionally immature parents.
Emotional intelligence matters in motherhood. When you manage your own emotions, it’s easier to help your kids manage theirs. Emotionally immature parents can significantly affect their children’s emotional development.
Maybe you’re realizing that your mom and dad weren’t great at apologizing, taking feedback, or maybe they held grudges. If these thoughts resonate with you, Studio 5 Parenting Contributor Heather Johnson shared how you can overcome any childhood hurt as an adult.
Heather emphasized that parents inevitably impact their children, both positively and negatively. She stated, “The way we do things in our home does impact our kids.” This acknowledgment is crucial for understanding the importance of managing your emotions as a parent.
Characteristics of Emotionally Immature Parents
Heather explained, “An emotionally immature parent is a parent who, because they’re unable to manage their own emotions, has a really hard time attending to their children’s emotions.”
Common Traits
- Inconsistency: Children may feel like they are walking on eggshells.
- Dismissiveness: Parents may dismiss their children’s feelings, saying things like “toughen up” or “deal with it.”
- Difficulty Apologizing: Emotionally immature parents often struggle to apologize or take accountability.
Impacts on Adult Children
Adults raised by emotionally immature parents may experience several challenges:
Guilt
Heather noted, “We feel the guilt for not behaving appropriately. We can feel the guilt for having an opinion.” This pervasive guilt can affect every aspect of life.
Adapting from External Influences
Adults may become fixers, pleasers, or perfectionists as a way to manage their parents’ emotions.
Unkind Self-Talk
Heather highlighted the prevalence of unkind self-talk: “It’s constantly beating ourselves up, telling ourselves that we’re not good enough.” This negative self-talk can be a byproduct of being raised by emotionally immature parents.
Mental Chatter
Adults may experience ongoing mental chatter, replaying conversations from childhood. Heather explained, “Lots of times this conversation will be the conversations you heard when you were a child.”
Steps to Overcome Childhood Hurt
Self-Compassion
Heather encouraged self-compassion: “We’ve got to be kind to ourselves. It’s time, right? It’s time to be kind to ourselves.” Recognizing mistakes as part of life and offering grace is essential.
Stop Waiting for Them to Change
Heather advised against waiting for emotionally immature parents to change: “We don’t want to wait around for an emotionally immature person to make changes in order for us to be okay.”
Reevaluate Your Identity
Heather suggested asking yourself, “Who am I when I step outside the role of being a fixer? Or a pleaser?” This question helps redefine identity beyond childhood roles.
Encouragement for Parents and Grandparents
Heather offered words of encouragement to the parents and grandparents who are having regrets: “Stop beating yourself up, number one. Be really open to acknowledging it.” She emphasized the importance of accountability and healing forward by listening and addressing past hurts.
To contact Heather for counseling, email blog.familyvolley@gmail.com, or visit www.familyvolley.blogspot.com.
how do I contact Heather Johnson for a counseling appointment