Change the narrative around the mother-in-law in your family.
The mother-in-law stereotype often faces unfair criticism in modern media. It’s commonplace to speak negatively about the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law relationship. However, there are many thriving mother and daughter-in-law duos who work hard to understand and support each other.
Studio 5 Parenting Contributor Heather Johnson, a newly minted mother-in-law, shared her experience of her son’s recent wedding, and how to break the mother-in-law stereotype.
The Unique Relationship
Heather discussed the unique nature of the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law relationship. Unlike other relationships, this one is non-voluntary and requires both parties to come together and make it work. She highlighted the importance of connecting generations and the creativity and compassion involved. “We get to connect to generations before us, we’re involved in generations that are about to be birthed, and we’re both required for that connection,” she emphasized.
Respect and Equality
Heather advised against viewing the relationship as a hierarchy. Instead, she suggested respecting the unique positions each person holds. The mother-in-law brings experience and traditions, while the daughter-in-law brings fresh perspectives and energy. “Instead of going, ‘is there a hierarchy?’ It’s just simply respecting that we need both of us,” Heather said.
Shared Values
Focusing on shared values can help form a connection between the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law. Heather encouraged living by the values of patience, compassion, and kindness to bridge any gaps. “Those values have to govern what this relationship looks like,” she explained.
Collaboration Over Competition
Heather stressed the importance of collaboration rather than competition. Both parties should work together towards common goals, such as building relationships with the son and grandchildren. “Competition breeds resentment. If that doesn’t describe destroying a mother-daughter relationship, I don’t know what does,” Heather said.
Creating New Traditions
Engaging in shared traditions can strengthen the bond between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law. Heather suggested being open to new traditions and letting go of expectations. “Let them sit next to you to cook and to plan and to work together,” she said.
To contact Heather for counseling, email blog.familyvolley@gmail.com, or visit www.familyvolley.blogspot.com.
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