To the Mom Who Feels Like She’s Not Enough: 4 Things You Need to Hear

When you feel like you’re not enough, remember these four things.

To the mom who feels overwhelmed and exhausted, who questions if she’s making a difference…

Therapist and bestselling author Eli Harwood reminds us that what motherhood mostly demands is love. It’s as simple as that.

Feeling Like You’re Not Enough

Eli acknowledged that many moms struggle with feeling like they’re not enough. She described it as an epidemic, with moms constantly questioning if they’re doing enough or if they’re doing it right. “I don’t know a single mom who doesn’t have to kind of work through and wrestle with the feeling of like, ‘am I doing this right? Am I doing enough? Should I be doing more?'” Eli noted.

The Importance of Being Good Enough

Eli emphasized that children don’t need their moms to be perfect or exceptional. They just need to know that their moms deeply care about them. “Our kids don’t need us to be anything other than good enough, and good enough means they can sense we deeply care about them,” Eli said.

Consistency Over Perfection

Instead of striving for perfection, Eli encouraged moms to focus on consistency. Being consistently available to y,  children is more important than being perfect. “Our kids need us to simply be consistently available to them, and consistent doesn’t mean 24/7,” she emphasized.

Handling Worries

Eli suggested that moms should recognize when their worries are rooted in past experiences and not the present. This can help reduce the power of these feelings. “Consider how old do I feel in my processing right now? Like, do I feel like my 42 year old self, or do I feel like I am much younger and unsure of my place in the world?” she explained.

Embracing Imperfections

Eli believes that how moms handle their imperfections is what matters most. “The process of modeling for our children that we can accept our humanness with compassion is a template they need,” she said.

What Kids Need

Eli shared four key things that kids need from their parents:

1. Light up in their presence: Make sure they know you want to be around them.
2. Show up for their tender and triumphant moments: Be there for them in both good and bad times.
3. Listen to your kids: Ensure they know you hear what matters to them.
4. Make up when you mess up: Lead repair when you make mistakes.

Advice for Moms with Adult Children

Eli reassured moms with adult children that it’s never too late to improve their relationship with their kids. “Remember to be kind and compassionate to yourself and remember that it’s never too late,” she emphasized.

Find more advice from Eli on Instagram @attachmentnerd.