Bring the romance in marriage back.
We all know that a good marriage is a partnership where both spouses handle the finances together, the chores together, and the childcare together. However, focusing too much on these shared responsibilities can sometimes make you feel like roommates rather than romantic partners.
Relationship Coach Crystal Hansen shared how to stop coexisting and start emotionally engaging with your spouse again.
Recognizing the Roommate Syndrome
Crystal explained that the feeling of being roommates often arises from routine and monotony. “We go to work, we get the kids off… it really doesn’t matter what our roles are, it’s just we have our routines,” she said. Even affectionate gestures like pecks on the cheek or hugs can become part of a checklist rather than genuine expressions of love.
Communicate Differently
To break the cycle, Crystal emphasized the importance of communication. She suggested starting with self-reflection: “Have a conversation with yourself even and be like, ‘okay, what is it that I’m missing?'”
Then, approach your partner with a collaborative mindset. “Sit on the same side of the table and say, ‘Hey, how can we improve this? This is what I’m seeing. What are you seeing?'”
Scheduling Quality Time
While some people thrive on schedules, Crystal advised persistence over consistency. “Keep making sure that it’s at the top of your list or at the forefront of your mind,” she said. Whether you prefer a set schedule or a more flexible approach, the key is to prioritize quality time together.
Addressing the Intimacy Gap
Intimacy can range from holding hands to spending alone time together. Crystal recommended starting small if you’ve fallen out of these habits. “Start where it’s easy. We don’t have to go from zero to 60,” she advised. Whether through spontaneous gestures or purposeful conversations, the goal is to reconnect emotionally.
Balancing Household Responsibilities
Marriage is about doing life together, which includes sharing household chores. Crystal suggested revisiting and discussing these roles regularly to ensure both partners feel good about them, and that one partner doesn’t feel like they are carrying the load. That will only lead to resentment.
Revisiting Shared Interests
Reconnecting over shared interests, whether old or new, can reignite the spark in your relationship. Crystal encouraged couples to explore activities they both enjoy. “Nostalgia is one thing, but doing something new together is amazing,” she said.
Seeking Professional Guidance
For couples struggling to move out of the roommate rut, Crystal offers virtual coaching sessions. She provides tools and self-awareness strategies to help couples navigate conflicts and improve their relationship. “Counseling has its place and coaching has its place,” she explained, emphasizing the importance of ongoing effort in maintaining a healthy marriage.
Learn more from Crystal at crystalhansencoaching.com.
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