What you say can build your kids’ confidence.
Can you think of something a parent or grandparent said to you once that really stuck with you? Words hold immense power, especially between a parent and a child.
Therapist and best-selling author Eli Harwood shared five phrases she uses to help instill confidence and courage in her kids.
1. “No matter what hard thing you’re going through in life, I’m going to be here to help you get through it.”
Eli emphasized the importance of letting children know that their caregivers are there to support them through life’s challenges. She said, “Life is hard and complicated and messy, but it’s a lot less hard and complicated and messy if we sense there are people we can fall back on when it’s gotten murky.”
2. “We’re going to figure this out.”
When faced with big conversations or surprising revelations from children, Eli suggested responding with, “We’re going to figure this out.” This phrase reassures children that, even if the parent doesn’t have all the answers immediately, they will work through it together.
3. “It’s not your job to make me happy.”
Eli reminds parents to let their children know that their primary job is to figure out who they are and what they want. She said, “We don’t want to invert that where our kids are feeling like it’s their job to regulate us.”
4. “If you tell me that somebody is hurting you, I will always believe you.”
Eli stressed the importance of believing children when they report being hurt. She explained, “We want them to know, I’m going to be a person who doesn’t question you or make you think it’s your fault in some way.”
5. “You don’t owe me anything.”
Eli shared a powerful phrase her mother told her: “You don’t owe me anything. The gift of being your parent is all the payment I’ve ever needed from you.” This phrase helps children understand that they are loved unconditionally.
Eli’s new book, Raising Securely Attached Kids, shares insights from her 20 years of therapy and research on the parent-child relationship. She emphasized the importance of creating a secure dynamic with children, stating, “You don’t need to make your children pancakes in the shapes of dinosaurs every morning, but you do need to be the type of parent who can handle their tenderness and who can express delight and show up for them when life gets messy and confusing.”
Find more advice from Eli on Instagram, @attachmentnerd or visit her website, attachmentnerd.com.
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