Can a Platonic Marriage Work?

Many of my clients over time find that physical closeness is not as large of a motivator as it used to be. Where before most of their “passion” was exhausted in their sexual relationship, at some point in time you might want to find other ways to create passion and connection. Here are just a few examples of couples creatively growing their passion:

· Mental Passion-

o Erwin and Candace were clients who were in their sixties and although they liked having sex, seemed to find more joy in the simple act of sharing a great book together. Every night Candace takes a bath while Erwin sits in a chair reading out loud a book that they both enjoy. Having the opportunity to travel into another world together through the book allows them both to experience new emotions and feelings together without having to exert much energy. Such mental exercise keeps them both feeling alive and gives them a lot to talk about.

· Social Passion-

o Sometimes our passion can be created or recreated by having passionate people around us. Nothing seems to create more energy in a group of people than energetic people. One way to bring more passion and connection together might be to find close friends or couples that you and your partner enjoy going out with. Go on trips together, go to dinner and allow the positive energy and relationship of your friends rub off on your own relationship. Sometimes having friends who have healthier marriages and passions than you do, creates a spark that might end up igniting your own. At the very least, the more you do what happy and passionate couples do, the more likely you are to feel passion again.

· Emotional Passion-

o Another way to create a passion in the other is to truly get into the other person. Isn’t it interesting that the word passion and compassion have the same roots. I once had a client who had just lost her mother and was seriously depressed. Historically, her husband was very ineffective at connecting with this woman, but something about the loss of his mother in-law ignited his compassion for her. One day he saw his wife out watering the lawn while deep in thought. The husband felt a prompting that he just needed to go out and hug his wife and reinforce his love for her. He followed the prompting and the wife fell in his arms sobbing. That positive moment created many good months in their marriage and reignited hope and passion in a way they had never before seen. In the end, her husband’s connection to her emotions ignited a passion between the two of them that they can still draw back on.

· Physical Passion-

o Just because you can no longer have sexual relations with your partner does not mean that you can’t still have physical passion with one another. Whether sex is your goal or not, connection and touch can be. Continue to lay by each other, hold each other’s hands and touch, touch, touch. The touch of another person at the right time can do more to create a sense of wellness and health than almost any other thing. You can also find passion in doing physical exercise with each other like riding bikes, swimming or just playing a little tennis. By having the endorphins released that are associated with such physical activities, you will inevitably feel something different about yourself and your partner.

· Spiritual Passion-

o Having a shared sense of the purpose of your life and spirituality can also create a passion more powerful than sexual passion. By clearly understanding your purpose for living and a connection to something bigger than yourself like God or Nature, you can put everything else in your life in perspective. Many times I see couples who are no longer physically able to have sex, and still find peace and connection by serving in their church together or in praying and worshipping their God. In the end, passion is a state of being, not just a state of body. So when the passions of the body subside, the passions of the spirit will usually kick in.