Celebrating Differences: What Is He Actually Saying?

When he says he’s not thinking anything! (Usually right after you just asked him, “What are you thinking?”

He Means: Literally, “I’m not thinking of anything.” It’s a special gift, unique to the human male. He could also be saying “I am thinking of some things that are stupid, embarrassing, unsafe, irrelevant to life or unacceptable in your book or that will not elevate my status with you if I bring them up.” Remember in my manly world, I might only talk to increase the odds of making an action take place, not just to bond. So if you can’t help me actually fix or do what I’m thinking about, then in my book, that thought is better left ignored.

When he compliments you in any way, shape or form

He means: I’m feeling positive toward you in that moment and because I truly appreciate something positive about you, I wanted you to know it in the moment. I also chose to verbalize my feelings and did so naturally via a compliment which means that I can share my feelings with you. So please believe what I’m saying. Don’t read into it and don’t dismiss it as something other than love.

When he says, “Nothing’s wrong…I’m fine!”

He means: I’ve obviously got something wrong and I don’t want to talk about it because I don’t want to discuss things that make me feel less strong. I’m also worried that we’ll end up fighting about the same old stuff over and over again, so it is easier for me to feel peace If I just hold in my crappy feelings. So please just stay patient with me, don’t react, don’t go quiet too and I’ll try to get myself out of this funk as soon as I can.

When he comments on anything around your sleeping schedule! (“When are you going to get off the computer and come to bed?” Or “What time do we need to get the kids up tomorrow morning?”

He means: I was hoping to have some alone time with you in the bedroom and I don’t want to come right out and say it for fear of rejection. I was just hoping that you’d naturally want to stop what you’re doing and come to bed with me so we can connect.

When he says, “I can’t do anything right for you!”

He means: I’m not feeling like there is any reason to try to help around the house anymore! I feel incredibly inadequate and it doesn’t matter what I do because it will always be wrong in your book. Please take a step back and find ways to see what I am doing well and perhaps notice that you are negatively interpreting me.