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You don’t find your soulmate. Here are 5 ways to forge a soulmate relationship

You dreamed you’d find your soulmate. You can create that relationship with your spouse.

Love at first sight, match made in heaven, soulmates.

Studio 5 Relationship Contributor Dr. Matt Townsend says all of these terms of endearment have one thing in common: they’re myths. He believes that you can’t find a soulmate relationship, but you can forge it.


The Soulmate Myth

Matt explained that the soulmate idea is rooted in Greek mythology. According to the story, humans were initially created with four arms and four legs. Fearing the power of this being, Zeus cut it in half and sent it in two different directions in the world. This is supposedly what we are in search of – the other half of us, our soulmate.

The dilemma with a soulmate is that it doesn’t sound like you have to do much. It’s just there. You find them. This is a romanticized version of something that doesn’t require much effort.

Matt proposed a different approach. He suggested that you can create the same impact and the same feeling of the soulmate by getting your soul involved, not just your body and mind. You’ve got to start getting a little deeper in your life and in your relationship.

Principles for Forging a Soulmate Relationship

Strengthen Your Character

The first principle Matt suggested is to strengthen your character. We need personal integrity and character. If you want a relationship to go the distance of a soul, you’ve got to be able to withstand temptations, moments of conflict, and moments of misunderstanding.

Focus on a Foundation of Friendship

Another good focus, according to Matt, is to focus on a foundation of friendship. Research is very clear that the long term happiest, healthiest relationships are actually forged in companionship and friendship.

Allow Room for Healthy Tension

Healthy relationships have healthy doses of tension. There should be some conflict. It’s the differences that force a relationship to go deeper and to get stronger.

Pay Attention to Moments When You’re in Sync

One of the biggest things impacting the ability to create a soulmate with somebody is our attention. We’ve got to learn to get in sync with each other. Put the phone down, make eye-contact, and listen.

See the Good

The final practice is to see the good. When we’re first in love, the chemistry keeps us noticing all the good. But Matt said humans are not wired to always notice the good because the good is not going to hurt us. We’re wired to look for things we need to protect ourselves from, so be intentional and recognize all the good in your partner.

Sign up for Matt’s Becoming One online program to help forge your own soulmate relationship. Learn more at

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