Most of us enjoy having a full life. There are things to do and exciting
going on. But all that “busy” can overwhelm you and suddenly you get
swallowed up in the things that are supposed to be bringing you joy.
Studio 5 Relationship Coach Matt Townsend visited with three women who
are closely tied to Studio 5 to help them and the rest of us find joy in the
Married 14 years, mother of 3 children, ages 6, 4, and 4 months, a
person, likes to get stuff done, had found freedom after the first two kids
and then had a new baby that has totally messed up her routine, fussy baby
needs a lot of attention and loves his mother.
Husband is super busy building his own business and he travels a lot so
has a lot to carry. There really is no down time. She feels bad that she’s so
quick to hand over the baby when her hubby gets home so she can have a
break and get others things done. They aren’t able to find time as a
She has a very big extended family that love to get together regularly. She
loves the extended family time but it puts a lot of pressure on her and
time away from her own family.
Tips for Cari’s busy life:
• Plan Ahead & Focus on Important over Urgent
• One of the keys when you have a new baby is to reprioritize what’s
• Nothing is more important than your new baby and you need to accept
• Much of what stresses people out is consistent and predictable, like
parties and birthdays.
• New moms usually plan their life by the feeding, or naps which creates
too much reactivity and urgency, especially because those hallmarks are
• Instead of organizing hourly or daily, try planning your life by the week or
• Make sure all of your biggest, most important goals are on the calendar
get them in your planner.
• New moms should use a planner because their head may not always be in
game due to a lack of sleep and chemical changes.
• Spend time to look at your month and plan ahead for the known events
activities. Make lists for the month of what you know you’re going to need.
Buy all of your presents at once, and have some back up gifts you can give
just in case.
• Lower your standards of what is acceptable to give. To be realistic, maybe
gift card from a new mom is a perfectly fine gift to give instead of the
Stewart hand-made gifts.
• Get your most important events, that you know you want to have happen
Date Nights with your hubby on the calendar, a month at a time.
If someone then organizes a party on one of your date nights, you can
say, “Sorry, I’m booked that night.”
• With a new baby, make sure you are prioritizing based on “importance”
and not urgency.
• Remember that there are seasons and times in our lives, so just sit back
enjoy the day you get to be out of balance for a while.
Working mother, with 5 kids, she works a very stressful job that doesn’t
when the work day ends. As a TV producer she feels that she is only as
as her last show. She is very creative and uses her creativity every day, so
when she gets home is completely mentally spent. On the evenings and
weekends, she has a lot of catch up to do around the house and yard and is
dying for a break to just let her mind relax. She has an awesome life with a
little caboose girl and she sometimes feels guilty that she doesn’t have the
time to dedicate, or the attention to be “all” there. She loves being home,
she values being in her home when she can be. She’s very self-aware that
when she pushes too much, she can turn into a monster, and doesn’t want
Tips for Stephanie’s busy life:
• Be Present!
• There is a big difference from being mentally or emotionally exhausted
being physically exhausted.
• Emotional exhaustion seems to cause more heartache for a mom that
to connect, than physically exhaustion does.
• When we’re unable to turn our heads off, then the key is simply to turn
heads “on” even more.
• We must learn to “Be Present” in the moment.
• Most of us are exhausting ourselves, stressing ourselves out over the
of the past and future. We become so consumed about what happened in
past and what is coming up next that we never stay focused in the “now”!
• Peace is present when you are. Even if what you are doing is the most
stressful thing you’ve ever done, there is incredible peace when your head
in the game.
• Notice when you are feeling stressed and pay particularly close attention
what you’re thinking about. Usually it will be something from either the
that worried you or something that needs to be done for the future.
• There is no benefit to worrying about the future, for there is nothing you
do in the future.
• If you are worried about something, take a second and ask yourself,
can I do about that problem right now?” Then begin to act on it in the
moment. Action now over worry now will foster more peace.
• Learn to take deep breaths, relax, and meditate in order to keep your
the space with others.
• Try to see the deeper, essence of the person you are interacting with.
See if you can feel their “Divine Spark” and that will usually remove the
stress and increase the peace.
• The more you practice being present, the more present you’ll be able to
and whenever there is presence, there is peace.
Mother, loves running, working once a week at a home décor store,
magnifying her responsibilities at church, volunteers in her child’s class
room, serves on the PTA Board, manages the daily craziness of a big family,
loves to make lists, has 20 things a day that never get completed, is so
at organizing events that everyone calls her to put events together. Kristi
loves to be involved and busy until the business starts to take its toll on
matters most to her.
Tips for Kristi’s busy life:
• Learn To Say No!
• Remember Nietzche’s quote, “It’s easy to say no when you have a deeper
• One of the most painful life management problems is our inability to say
to other people.
• Whenever you say “yes” to someone or something else, you are inevitably
saying no to something else.
• Saying “yes” to things at the expense of more important things causes
• Other people know who will always say yes, and that is who they turn to.
• It’s not between good and bad, many times our choices are between good
and great which makes our choices even more difficult.
• You know it’s time to start saying no when your health, sleep or
start to take the hit.
• Many times we say yes to people because we don’t know how to say no!
Spend some time putting together an “acceptable way” for you to say no to
• Clearly establish what your yeses are! Once you have a clear objective,
can run every opportunity through it. For example, if your goal is to have
more connected, meaningful family time, then any opportunity that steals
distracts you from family time is a big no.
• Create a space to make the decision. Many “yes” people end up saying
the pressure of the moment. Create a gap in your answer and go sit down
and really think out the opportunity. Find a phrase that will help you buy
some space to truly make a better decision. I use “let me check my calendar
and see if I’m available and I’ll get back to you.” You might say, “let me
check with my family to see how they all feel about it”.
• Involve other people in the decision and feel free to blame them for your
inability to accept the offer if that is easier for you.
Matt is offering a free initial consultation and assessment for you and your
relationships. Contact him at his office or online.