Gentle parenting can be good when done the right way.
There is a phrase floating around, a parenting style that’s getting a lot of talk and attention. It’s gentle parenting. Some disagree with it altogether… others have gone all in. Many of us are kind of squishy on what it even means, and we’re falling somewhere in between.
No matter where you lie on the gentle parenting spectrum, it’s a parenting style people are chatty about. Studio 5 Parenting Contributor Heather Johnson explained what gentle parenting is and what it is not, plus the pros and cons of practicing it.
The Core Values of Gentle Parenting
Heather explained that gentle parenting essentially has three key components:
- Empathy: “The first component is being empathetic towards our kids’ emotions and feelings. Respecting that those feelings are real to them,” Heather explained.
- Positive Discipline: “The second piece is positive discipline. It’s focusing more on constructive feedback opposed to punishing all the time. That’s a shift. We want to make that shift,” Heather said.
- Emotional Regulation: “The third piece is that we’re going to be more in tune with how we feel and we’re going to manage our emotions as parents. We’re going to communicate and then we’re going to model for our kids how we hope they manage their emotions,” Heather emphasized.
Where Gentle Parenting Goes Wrong
While the values and principles behind gentle parenting are really great, Heather pointed out where it can go wrong. “We swing too far oftentimes. As soon as we swing away from that value system and we go extreme, now gentle parenting is a problem.”
She elaborated, “Gentle parenting turned into being too lenient or permissive parenting. We’re not gentle parenting anymore. Gentle parenting has boundaries. There are consequences. There are rules. We uphold them. We’re just recognizing that our kids are real people when we’re delivering those messages.”
Generational Divide and Communication
Heather also touched on the generational divide in parenting practices because there are nanas, grandmas, mimis watching that are saying, “My kids aren’t even parenting.”
She emphasized the importance of communication to bridge this gap. “When we can communicate and help older generations better understand what it is we’re trying to accomplish, we can make it clear that we’re not abandoning discipline. We’re not abandoning boundaries. We’re hearing our kids and we’re building a relationship with them,” Heather said.
Positive Feedback and Self-Expectations
Heather stressed the importance of positive feedback. “If you want to see positive changes in your kids, they need to hear positive feedback from you four more times than they hear something negative.”
She also highlighted the need for parents to manage their own emotions. “Remember, part of being a gentle parent or of gentle parenting is being in charge of our own emotions and us being able to manage how we show up,” Heather explained.
Remaining the Parent
Finally, Heather reminded us that we need to remain the parent. “One of the complaints about gentle parenting when it goes too far is that we have to first spend every waking moment attending to emotions. We need to remain the parent. We’re not looking to become best friends here. The best friendship is when we are a parent, and they are a child,” she emphasized.
Gentle Parenting at its Best
Heather believes gentle parenting is about seeing our children as people with hopes, dreams, fears, and insecurities. It’s about creating a safe space for them to express themselves while maintaining boundaries and discipline.
To contact Heather for counseling, email blog.familyvolley@gmail.com, or visit www.familyvolley.blogspot.com.
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