Relationship Coach Matt Townsend has some ways to re-energize your marriage.
1. “Get In!” the Relationship
One of the biggest reasons that marriages get boring is simply because of the fact that we aren’t actually “in” the marriage. Instead we are more “in” to our kids, our jobs, our hobbies, our school work or our life. Remember the old adages that wherever your head is, there will your heart follow. The fastest, easiest way to make your marriage more exciting is simply to have both of you commit to get back into to it and recommit to each other that you are going to stop taking the relationship for granted and start dedicating more of yourself to enrich the marriage.
2. Make Time Together
Once you’ve both committed to each other that you’re “in” find some specific time to actually grow the relationship on a regular basis. Research shows that the healthiest and happiest couples make time for each other regularly.
I suggest that you find consistent, dedicated couple time every day, every week and regularly throughout the year. An example of couple time daily could be in the morning or evenings when the kids are in bed, spend time cuddling, talking, going for a walk or watching the news together. You should also spend time every week on a weekly Date Night or to some weekly activity. You should also find special time on a monthly basis as well as quarterly or yearly activities that are special to you both. These times should be simple yet meaningful, fun and relaxing for both of you. They shouldn’t induce stress or demand a lot of work and should be initiated mutually with both of you participating in their planning and execution.
3. Start Where It All Started
All of us initially fell in love in a wave of incredible chemicals and emotion. It was all of those chemicals that make the phrase “love is blind” such a reality. Over time however, these blinding chemicals tend to fade and so does the excitement in our relationship. One way to recreate the chemicals that brought you so close together is to go back to where they all started in the first place.
In some of the time that you’ve set aside daily to be together start talking and sharing about all of the good memories you’ve experienced together. In detail share you favorite moments of the past. Relieve (either just by talking or by actually reliving) your most romantic moments together, your fun trips, your happiest memories. Go on car drives back to your old stomping grounds, go parking and cuddle in the private places you used to cuddle. The minute your brains reconnect to the times when the “love” was alive, you’re bound to find the love again.
4. Make a Memory…Be Different!
Now that we’ve carved out some private time to be together, and you have a strong repertoire from your past experiences that worked, then start creating your own, new memories together. Research shows that couples who participate in exciting new activities together actually transfer the excitement of the activity to their own relationships, making them more exciting as well. So one of the easiest ways to create excitement in the marriage is to make sure that you’re regularly doing fun, new, exciting things together…here’s some ideas that might help
• Try something new together that you’ve never thought you’d dare to do.
• Risk being vulnerable and open to each others ideas.
• Look up ideas on the internet or in books for fun dates.
• Ask your kids or grand kids what they do on their dates and start trying the same things.
• Take a class together; learn a new sport or hobby.
• Remember the goal is to make new memories today.
5. Remember To Do It All Again Tomorrow
The job of feeding a marriage isn’t a once a week activity. If you want to be fed and healthy, you have to work on it every day. That means you need to exert some energy to do it all again tomorrow, and the next day and the next. The goal here is not to just put together a fun trip or activity. We must remember that the goal is to spark some excitement back into our marriage and that doesn’t just happen on one date night. When you think of building love in your marriage follow the age old wisdom taught in the fable of the Tortoise and the Hare. Remember to truly grow a healthy relationship you have to be steady and consistent, not just quick and flashy. Sometimes the flashy does add a little spark but it all gets extinguished if the spark isn’t tended and enhanced through constant attention.
Matt Townsend is a national speaker and relationship expert who uses his unique gift of understanding relationships to help individuals, couples and families learn the skills they need to better relate. Through entertainment and humor he teaches life-changing principles and skills empowering couples to change by learning to communicate more effectively, to stop patterns of negative reactions, and to get to the heart of important issues.
For more couple advice, Matt has two date night workshops coming up:
Date Night Introduction
with Matt Townsend
Friday, June 11
Date Night Series
with Matt Townsend
“Talking About Finances”
Friday, June 25
7:00 pm to 9:00 pm
$35 per couple
Location: Noah’s in South Jordan
To register call 801-747-2121