Grow the Closeness in Relationships

Closeness Is About Shrinking the Gap
If our goal is to get closer in our most important relationships, the obvious key will be to remove the things that come between us and those we love. Three things that tend to interfere the most with our closeness are our critical judgments, selfishness and busy lives. The solutions to shrink the gap, then, are to See the Holy, Serve them Fully and Make the Moments.

See the Holy
Philosopher Martin Buber taught that we can see others either as a “thing,” an “It,” as he called it, or as a “holy being,” a “thou” as he called it. When we see our partner as something special and with reverence, we tend to treat that person differently than we would if we saw them as a thing. By showing such respect for our partners, it creates a safer space, which sets the foundation of closeness. By seeing the best in others, we create a space for our partner to open the doors to their heart, and closeness can result.

Serve Them Fully
Few things create a greater sense of closeness in our relationships than when we lose ourselves in the service of another. Test this theory out by thinking of a time when you last served another person without any thought for yourself. Did you notice your feelings change for the person you served? Did you feel closer to them? By serving those you love fully, you tend to lose your focus on your own problems and needs, and instead, the person you love can become the source of your focus. Such focus creates a space where closeness can happen naturally.

Plug Into the Gap
Most of us are just too busy and too distracted to actually connect with anyone. We have way too many things demanding our time and attention, so in the end, the connection is the first thing to go. Think about it. If you never had the time or were too busy to plug in your phone to be charged, eventually your phone would run out of charge. The same thing is true in your relationships. If you don’t make the time and space to be together and then plug into the moment, your love will never be recharged. Commit to your partner that you will both find the time and place where you can and will plug into each other. The simple choice to make the time to recharge together will ensure that you and your partner will have the energy to stand the test of time. Commit to at least 30 minutes a day of recharging, and a two hour date every week. By doing so, you’ll see that connection will be automatic.