These mindset shifts will help you find the happiness already in your life.
We all want to be happy. It’s one of the few things that unites us across every difference. But happiness often feels elusive—something we gain, then lose, then chase again. What if we’ve been looking in the wrong place all along?
According to Studio 5 Relationship Contributor Dr. Matt Townsend, happiness isn’t something we earn or achieve. It’s something we remember. It’s already within us—we just need to uncover it. Matt shared seven powerful mindset shifts that can help us reconnect with the joy that’s already present in our lives.
Stop Chasing, Start Noticing
We often tie happiness to milestones like graduation, marriage or a new job. But Matt noted that joy doesn’t come from achievements. “It’s not about an achievement,” he said. “It’s about being able to be in the space where you are and find the light.” He compares the pursuit of happiness to chasing a shadow—the more you chase it, the more it moves. But when you stop and turn toward the light, the shadow becomes visible—and so does the joy.
Let Go of Control
Trying to manage everything and everyone around us is a recipe for stress, not happiness. “To be happy, you have to learn to accept how limited your control is,” Matt said.
This doesn’t mean giving up. It means starting from a place of acceptance, then moving forward with intention. “You can’t fix something or improve something you can’t accept,” he added.
Rest Without Guilt
In a culture that glorifies hustle, rest can feel like laziness. But Matt believes rest is essential for happiness. “Relaxation doesn’t equal lazy—it actually equals power,” he said. If you can’t sit still until the dishes are done, your mind is wired for productivity, not peace. Learning to rest—even when things are unfinished—is a powerful act of self-care.
Feel Everything—Even the Hard Stuff
Many of us try to fake positivity or numb our pain, but Matt warned that when we numb pain, we also numb joy. “If you’re numbing anything in your life, you’re numbing both the joy and the pain,” he said.
Happiness isn’t about avoiding suffering—it’s about accepting it as part of life and trusting that joy will follow. “Once you accept that life is about some suffering, then right behind every suffering moment is a beautiful, joyful moment coming,” he explained.
Stop Postponing Joy
We often tell ourselves we’ll be happy when the kids are older, the house is clean, or the vacation comes. But Matt reminded us that joy doesn’t live in the future. “If we’re not happy now, we won’t be happy then,” he emphasized. Instead of waiting for the perfect moment, look for the glimmers of goodness in the moment you’re in.
Sit in the Moment
We often feel the need to fix, influence or improve every situation. But sometimes, the most powerful thing we can do is simply be present. “Sit in the space. Sit in the conversation without trying to influence it. Sit in it without having to correct or fix something,” Matt said. Presence is where peace lives—and peace is where happiness begins.
Happiness is Already Here
Happiness isn’t out there—it’s already here. “Like a friend that’s been there the whole time,” Matt said. It’s not something we need to earn or chase—it’s something we need to remember. So take a breath, let go of the chase and start noticing the joy that’s been quietly waiting for you all along.
Find more advice from Matt at matttownsend.com.
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