We don’t think twice about speaking up for our friends or our children, but when it comes to advocating for ourselves, most women need a little practice. Author, Vikki Carrel, teaches practical skills for real life situations.
Why do I find it difficult to advocate for myself?
-Advocating for ourselves can be risky. We fear failure, rejection, or feelings of embarrassment. We want to avoid conflict!
What is self-advocacy?
Self-advocacy is understanding your strengths and needs – ‘and effectively communicating’ them to others.
Advocacy scenarios and skills:
1. Advocating at home – informal environment
Skill: Identify and define the request.
*Scenario- Mom asks children for help with the household chores.
-Keep requests simple. Provide a clear definition of your requests.
-Create a distraction free environment. The outcome will be more effective if you have your family’s attention.
2. Advocating for a child at school – formal environment
Skills: Educate yourself and build expertise.
Separate passions from emotions.
*Scenario – Mom meets with the principal concerning her child’s academic performance.
-Educate yourself about the situation, gather information and bring possible solutions. Time is limited and valuable – provide a clear definition of your request.
-Separate passions from emotions.
3. Advocating for yourself at the dentist office – formal environment
Skill: Find a mentor and create a bridge to the solution.
*Scenario – You are uncomfortable with the immodest dress of the dental hygienist.
-To avoid conflict; find a mentor to discuss the problem or concern. This helps you gather information and understand office policy.
-Create a bridge; in certain situations it is best that a person of authority relays the message of concern.
4. Advocating for yourself with your spouse – informal environment
Skills: Value yourself and relationships where you are equal.
Attitude is important.
*Scenario – Discussing a financial concern with your husband.
-Value yourself – remember body language is key. Be open and refrain from setting off emotional triggers.
-Your attitude is important – be kind but firm.
5. Advocating for yourself with a health care provider – formal environment
Skill: Recognize that you have a voice and your opinion counts.
*Scenario – Talking to your doctor about a health concern or problem.
-Recognize that your opinion counts – it is OK to ask questions and not agree with the advice of a professional.
-You have the right to seek other opinions or additional information before making a final decision.
Skills to advocate for yourself:
-Value yourself and relationships where you are equal.
-Recognize that you have a voice and that your opinion counts.
-Identify and define the problem.
-Educate yourself and build expertise.
-Separate passions from emotions.
-Find a mentor, create a bridge to the solution.
-Attitude is important – be kind but firm.
Vikki Carrel is an author, speaker and founder of The Empowerment Project.
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