We all know a pushy person and it’s hard to deal with them. We don’t want to get pushed around, but we don’t want to hurt the person’s feelings.
Studio 5 Relationship Coach Dr. Matt Townsend gives a glimpse into their psyche so we can now how to deal with it.
Should I Make Excuses Based on Feelings Or My Logic?
It’s Hard To Fight Your Feelings! When discussing your desires with a pushy person don’t make the mistake of sharing your logic or rationale for why you don’t want to do something. Pushy people will find ways to argue your logic and thinking in order to resolve your concerns. An easier way to handle a pushy person is to base your argument in your feelings because how you feel is just so much harder to change than your logic. For example if you don’t want to go to a concert with a neighbor you could say, “I just don’t feel peace being away from my kids all night to go to the concert.” Instead of saying, “I just don’t have a babysitter.” Notice one of these excuses can be logical solved why the other is an emotional issue or feeling that can’t easily be talked out of.
Should I Worry About Hurting Their Feelings?
No, How they Take it is Up To Them Not You! They are already deemed pushy by you, so they apparently haven’t picked up on any of your other clues. Remember how they interpret your communication is really up to them and not you. Don’t worry about pushing back too hard because they probably can take it. Their method of communicating is much more direct than yours.
Should I Communicate My Opinion with Verbals or Non-Verbals?
Reply The Way they Push! Pushy people get their reputation because they are pushy. Odds are, they’re really quite verbal about it. Most people that are less verbal but opinionated would usually be categorized as annoying or awkward. Talkers that are opinionated or dominating are usually called pushy. With pushy people, you need to be verbal and speak what’s really in your heart. If you haven’t said what you feel to the pushy person, you can bet they don’t actually know what you feel. Non-verbals don’t usually work with these people because their selfish desires overwhelm the other messages.
When Discussing My Opinion Should I Be Direct About My Feelings or Beat Around The Bush?
Just Say NO! When it comes to pushy people the more vague you are the less likely they are to get the point which will keep them coming back to push on you again and again. Remember that if someone is coming off pushy to you, they obviously aren’t into understanding your needs as much as their needs. Because they’re so self-focused, the more specific you can be about why you don’t like something or want something the better. Vague innuendo is better reserved for people that are into you, that can read your more subtle communication clues, your feelings, your mannerisms and your needs.
With Pushy People Should I be Honest or Nice
You can be Honest and Nice! Being honest about whether you want to do something or not really is being nice. Remember that by being direct and honest you can still also be respectful and decent. Many who end up getting stuck with a pushy person falls for the false dichotomy of honest or nice. In reality you can and should do both.
Should I Just Keep Avoiding Them?
No, Don’t Become Dysfunctional Because They Are! Just because a person is dysfunctional doesn’t mean you should be. Instead be direct, healthy, specific, honest and nice. Make it a point to lead the pushy person and as soon as you have the ability to influence them, give them some feedback about how they are being pushy.
Building Your Relationship IQ
November 16, 2012
7pm @ Larry H. Miller Campus