Making Your Man Feel Appreciated

Studio 5 Relationship Coach Matt Townsend is putting Studio 5 viewers to a test to help women understand how to make their husband’s feel appreciated.

For the next month, try the following four steps, with their assignments, and then let us know if you notice any difference.

1. Pay Attention to What He Does

Assignment- Find three activities a week that you could do together that he would enjoy.

2. Focus on the Positive

Assignment- Find three things a day that your partner did that were positive and thank him for them.

3. Treat him like your partner not your project

Assignment- Don’t critique, correct or control him for an entire month.

4. Flirt

Assignment- Chase that man like you were about to lose him to another person.

Pay Attention To What He Does

• Men tend to focus much more on what they do in their lives more than what they feel about what they are doing.

• A man’s identity tends to be more wrapped around “things” like his occupation, education, past accomplishments, accolades, awards hobbies, and positions in the community.

• Females tend to be more focused on their relationships and the state of her relationships and how she feels.

• Men join clubs where like Sports teams, County Rec., Kiwanis, Elks, Chambers, or coach little league, etc. where awards, promotions and advancement are the norm.

• Some females think these topics are shallow compared to the important topics or issues of relationships and feelings so they don’t really get into them.

Assignment- Find three activities a week that you could do together that he would enjoy.

o Pay attention to what he’s talking about.

o Get interested in the topics he brings up.

o Notice what he’s talking about and his energy about that topic.

o See if it is more focused on the activities or things he does well, versus his feelings about those same things.

o If you pay attention you will notice quickly take conversations with each other into the “so what do you do” conversation.

Focus on the positive

• Men just like most human beings love to hear what they are doing right.

• Because of the mail ego, men are hypersensitive to negative comments from their partner.

• If you’ve ever been told you’re a nag, its because you’re sending too much negativity his way.

• They feel an overwhelming need to fix whatever is broken and if all they ever hear from their partner is that they are broken, then they feel anxious.

• Research shows that 1 negative comment erases 5 positives, so just to break even you need to give 5 times more positives for every negative. More like 20 positives to every negative.

• Most humans will avoid being around or near someone who is too negative.

Assignment- Find three things a day that your partner did that were positive and thank him for them.

• The principle is positive people feel better.

• Make a list every day of three things your husband did that was really positive.

• Share the list with him.

• Commit to yourself to build your man up, compliment him, brag about him in front of others.

• Talk positively about your husband to 5 other people this week.

• Everyone loves to be appreciated verbally, even if it makes them feel uncomfortable.

• Notice what happens to you as you begin to focus on the positive things.

Treat Him like Your Partner not Your Project.

• Treat your partner like he’s complete, acceptable and competent.

• One reason men do less around the house I believe isn’t because they’re lazy, but because we’ve been made to feel like we don’t do it very well.

• Let us do it our way

• Like we’re good enough, not broken, complete, capable and competent.

• So far focus on the do, Find the positive

Assignment- Don’t critique, correct or control him for an entire month.

o Worry less

o Be willing to risk with him a little bit more.

o Ask him to do something for you that you can’t do alone.

o Let him do it his way.

o Try to do something with him you’ve never been willing to do or try.

o Risk; go out on the limb a bit.

o Let him handle a situation his way

o Telling him where you’re proud

Flirt More

• Men want to know that they are still interesting to their partners physically.

• The older we get the more we battle the need to stay legitimate in the world.

• Usually men get more confident in what they do like their work and providing the older the get. But as they get older and more confident in some ways, other ways tend to suffer. They’re bodies start to do less, their physical appearance may slide a bit and confidence drops.

• Most men only care if their wife finds them attractive and one of the best ways to show your man you find him attractive is to flirt with him.

• Usually women stop flirting because they don’t want to give their hubby the wrong impression. They feel that if they flirt it will always lead to sex. So they quit flirting and he stops seeing signs from her that she is interested in him.

• One relationship that shouldn’t wane in confidence is the one between a husband and his wife. By flirting, you’re communicating to your hubby that you are still interested in him physically.

• You can talk to him and tell him you want to flirt more and you don’t want it to always go there. It may take a while for him to get used to it but eventually it will be worth it for both of you.

• Remember men feel closer to their partners when they are in contact, touching, acting and doing together.

Assignment- Chase that man like you were about to lose him to another person.

• Flirting is about sex, it’s about showing your partner that you still find them attractive in all forms and you want to be by their side.

• When you have good thoughts about your partner share them immediately.

• When they look good tell them.

• Whisper more.

• Touch him more in public (men on average need touch 3 times more than women).

• More kisses, more affectionate, more hugs.

• Date him more aggressively.

• Act like you want to be with him, treat him like you did when you were dating.

• Send him letters, cards, make him treats, put a note in his brief case.

• Go on walks together.

For more information, you can reach Matt at the Townsend Relationship Center in Sandy (801)
747-2121 or online at www.marriagemattersutah.com .