Conflict resolution can be more effective.
Conflict is an inevitable part of any relationship, but it doesn’t have to be destructive.
Studio 5 Relationship Contributor Dr. Matt Townsend shared how to handle conflict more effectively. Improving conflict resolution skills requires consistent and intentional practice. He emphasized three key elements: awareness, clarity, and change.
Awareness: Understanding Your Role
“You can’t fix something you’re not aware of,” said Matt. The first step in resolving conflict is to become aware of your own patterns and behaviors. He used a personal anecdote about dancing at weddings to illustrate how our automatic responses can sometimes be unhelpful. Just like in dancing, we need to be aware of our “signature moves” in conflict.
Clarity: Identifying Your Conflict Style
Matt explained that clarity involves recognizing the specific ways we handle conflict. He categorizes common conflict behaviors into several types, such as blamers, stonewallers, and gaslighters. “Whichever one of these moves you go to automatically is like the dance move and you’ve only got one move,” he noted. Understanding these patterns can help us address them more effectively. He said the goal is to learn more dance moves.
Change: Taking Accountability
The final step is to change our approach by taking extreme accountability for our part in the conflict. Matt advised, “Own 100% of every part of the conversation.” By doing so, we can break the cycle of reactive behavior and create more constructive interactions.
Practical Application
Matt suggested that couples sit down together to identify their typical conflict moves and work on taking accountability. This proactive approach can lead to healthier and more resilient relationships.
Find more advice from Matt at matttownsend.com.
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