Mission to Mars (with your husband?)

If you’re ever asked to go on a mission to Mars, here are four things that will increase the likelihood you’ll come back alive. These four principles will also help you deal with every other unexpected event that may be a part of your future together.

1. Spend More Time With Each Other
There is no better way to learn to spend time with another person than simply spending time with them. Practice being in the same space, even if you’re doing different things. Measure how much time you currently spend with your spouse a day. Intentionally spend more time together by running errands, cooking dinner together, cleaning the house, going on walks, etc. Find a way to reunite with each other and be together more.

2. Grow Trust through Intentionally Risking Together
Take turns doing what your partner likes to do that make you feel less than comfortable. Take a scuba diving class, learn to do yoga, or maybe take a cooking class together. By spending time together in more risky ways, you’ll learn to rely more on each other and be able to trust more that your partner will be there to watch your back. Those nervous moments of risk can do wonders for the trust in a marriage if you both work hard to be there for each other.

3. Triple Your Talk
With more time and risk together, you will also have the time to talk more than you have ever had before. Identify how much time you and your partner actually talk every week in meaningful active conversations. In my practice I usually see that healthy couples talk more than 10 hours a week and less healthy couples are about 3 hours a week. Set a goal to triple your talk during the week by literally making sure you are spending three times more time and energy in conversation. Our ability to communicate is like every other muscle in our body and needs to be exercised in order to grow. Pay attention to the actual topics you’re discussing and make sure that you are not only talking about work and kids, but also add topics like your relationship, your intimacy and your future goals and dreams.

4. Be An Unconditional Friend
One of the best signs of a true friend is that they make you feel comfortable about who you are when you’re around them. Friends accept you just the way you are, they don’t judge you, they just love and accept you. Friends can sit with each other and not always need to fill the space between with talk. They can relax and relate. They don’t bring agenda by either talking or touching with a specific goal in mind. Instead they just like being together. They don’t judge us, fix us, ignore us or adjust us, they just love us. Practice the art of being unconditional with your partner. Use the time and talk and show your partner that you love them just the way they are. Focus on helping your partner feel better about themselves when they are with you and practice sitting together in quiet peace without talking or touching from your own agenda. Just be a great friend.