A few strategies can help you repair your hurt relationships.
In relationships, we often find ourselves either healing or hurting those we care about.
Psychologist Dr. Todd Corelli believes that even those who naturally hurt relationships can learn to heal them. He shared how to repair and heal hurt relationships, emphasizing that it’s never too late to start.
Understanding Relationship Dynamics
Todd explained that everyone has the capacity to hurt and heal relationships. He shared a personal story about a close friend who has consistently destroyed her relationships due to past trauma. Despite her destructive behavior, Todd believes that change is possible. “We all hurt people, and we all have the capacity to heal people that we hurt,” he said.
Steps to Repair Relationships
- Embrace Humility
The first step in repairing relationships is humility. Todd highlighted the importance of being humble and vulnerable, as it fosters connection. “To make a repair, you have to start with humility. It actually takes a lot of courage to be vulnerable.”
- Own Your Role
Taking responsibility for your actions is crucial. Todd used a saying from Alcoholics Anonymous to illustrate this point: “Sweep your side of the street.”
“You can’t fix what you don’t own,” he said.
- Accountability Means Change
Accountability is about trying to change, not necessarily having already changed. Todd emphasized the importance of making an effort to improve. “You don’t have to have changed to repair. You just have to try to change.”
- Apologize Correctly
A sincere apology involves taking full responsibility without shifting blame. “‘I’m really sorry that you’re so sensitive and that I hurt you,’ is not a great apology… Instead, say, ‘I hurt you. What I said to you was wrong and I’m sorry,'” Todd explained.
- Verbalize Your Intentions to Change
Expressing your intention to change can be powerful and healing. “There’s something magic in saying to the person, ‘I’m going to change,'” Todd said.
- Be Patient
Repairing relationships takes time and patience. It’s important to be patient with yourself and others during this process. “We have to be patient and kind of hang in there,” Todd emphasized.
- Listen Without Defensiveness
Listening is a superpower for connection and repair. Todd advised to listen attentively without giving advice or being defensive. “If you really want to connect with somebody, sit in front of them, look them in the eyes, use your good body language, and listen to them.”
Find more advice from Todd on his YouTube channel, podcast, or website at drtoddtalks.com.
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