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Do you actively cherish your partner? Here’s how to and why it’s so important

When you cherish your partner, you both get more resilient.

You love them, you care for them, but are you actively cherishing them?

Psychologist and marriage coach Dr. Jennifer Finlayson-Fife shares what can happen when you actively cherish your partner.


Understanding Cherishing

Cherishing isn’t just a fancy word; it holds immense meaning in the realm of relationships. Dr. Finlayson Fife explained that cherishing is about actively valuing the good things in our lives, especially our partners. It’s about seeing them properly, acknowledging their positive contributions, and expressing gratitude for them.

The Challenge of Cherishing

While cherishing sounds simple, it’s not always easy. As humans, we’re wired to focus on what we lack rather than appreciating what we have. Over time, we might become desensitized to the specialness of our relationship, taking our partners for granted. Additionally, the fear of vulnerability can hinder our ability to fully cherish our partners.

Benefits of Cherishing

Despite its challenges, cherishing our partners yields numerous benefits. Firstly, it increases happiness both in the relationship and personally. Research shows that focusing on the positives in our lives boosts our overall sense of happiness. Moreover, actively cherishing each other makes couples more resilient in dealing with marital conflicts and external stressors.

Taking the Cherishing Challenge

Dr. Finlayson Fife suggested a practical exercise to enhance cherishing in relationships. Take a moment to reflect on what you would miss if your partner were suddenly gone. Write down at least seven things and commit to expressing one of them to your partner every day. Though it may feel awkward at first, persisting through the discomfort can lead to greater relationship satisfaction and happiness.

If you’re interested in learning more about improving your marriage, you can visit Dr. Jennifer Finlayson Fife’s website at, and explore her podcasts and online courses.

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