Back to the Dinner Table: Table Time Etiquette

Ellen Reddick with Impact Factory Utah shares some basic table time etiquette.

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It is important to know how to conduct oneself properly at the table. The rules of dining etiquette are fairly straightforward and mostly require common sense. Today, a large amount of business and socializing happens at the table. Relationships can be lost and careers short- circuited when poor table manners are displayed. Remember, your table manners are a gift you give those with whom you dine. They also indicate whether or not you know how to show respect for others. The following are the most common mistakes noted while dining:
Back to the Dinner Table: 12 Common Dining Mistakes

1. Misusing silverware
Gripping the fork and knife incorrectly is the most obvious and common faux pas. Knives are meant to cut, not saw. The fork and knife should never teeter half off the plate onto the table. Don’t wave your silverware in the air while talking. Silverware placed at the top of the plate is for dessert. Place only the silverware that you have used on the plate when finished.

2. Using the wrong butter plate
There’s a simple rule to remember: liquids to the right, solids to the left. Your butter plate will be near your fork, not your knife.

3. Buttering an entire roll
Bread and rolls are meant to be torn, not cut. A large roll would be torn in half first, then a smaller piece can be torn off, buttered and eaten. Toast is the exception. The entire piece can be buttered at once.

4. Improper use of the napkin
The napkin comes off the table only after everyone is seated. It is used to dab the lips, not scrub the face. If leaving the table temporarily mid-meal, place the napkin on your chair. At the end of the meal, place it on the table next to your plate, never on the plate, however.

5. Eating too fast or too slow
Pacing is important when dining with others. Slow down if you notice you’re faster than everyone else. Speed up or leave some food if you’re a slow eater. You should never leave your guest to dine alone, which happens if you’re finished way ahead of your guest.

6. Showing food in mouth
This happens when you’ve taken too big of a bite and then chew with your mouth open, or continue to talk. This is very unappetizing for others to observe. Small bites are necessary when trying to converse while eating.

7. Seasoning food before tasting
Without tasting your food, how would you know it really needs seasoning? This can be seen as an insult to the chef and host. It also can indicate that you jump to conclusions.

8. Washing food down with liquids
The mouth should be cleared of food before beverages are sipped. It’s a good habit to get into, especially with wine. Wine is meant to cleanse the palate and its taste can’t fully be appreciated with food still in the mouth.

9. Passing food incorrectly
The salt is always passed with the pepper. Anything with a handle, such as the creamer, is passed so the handle is facing the person receiving the item. This is why the correct way to pass food the first time around is to the right=counterclockwise.

10. Leaving lipstick marks
Lipstick should be well blotted so not to leave marks on cups and glasses. It’s a real turnoff.

11. Grooming at the table
This is another turnoff. Don’t touch your hair or apply makeup while at the table. And certainly don’t pick your teeth at the table. Excuse yourself from the table to remove something from your teeth…or to apply makeup.

12. Poor posture
Slumping, leaning and protruding elbows don’t send a positive message. Sit up straight, don’t lean on your elbows or forearms, don’t rock in your chair, and keep your elbows close to your side.

Back to the Dinner Table: Table Setting

It can be very confusing to be presented with a variety of eating utensils. (see below) Remember the guideline “to start at the outside and work your way in.” If you have been given two forks, which are the same size, begin with the fork on the outside. Many restaurants use the same size of fork for both the salad and main course.

Napkin: When dining with others place your napkin on your lap after everyone at your table has been seated. Do not open your napkin in mid-air. As you remove your napkin from the table begin to open below the table level and place on your lap. If you must leave a meal, do so between courses, and place your napkin on your chair or to the left of your plate. When a meal is completed, place your napkin to the right of your plate – never on the plate.

Served: Wait for everyone at your table to be served before beginning to eat. However, if an individual who has not been served encourages you to begin eating, you may do so. Eat slowly while waiting for their food to be served.

Soup: When eating soup, think of making a circle: spoon away from you, bring around to your mouth and back to the bowl. Soup is taken from the side of the soup spoon -it is not inserted into your mouth. Do not slurp or make noises when eating soup.

Sorbet: This item is often served between courses to cleanse the palate. It is a light, sherbet texture and depending on when served may be eaten with a fork or a spoon.

Utensils: Be careful how you hold your utensils. Many people tend to make a fist around the handle of the utensil – this is the way a young child would grasp a utensil (not an adult). There are two acceptable ways to use the knife and fork: continental fashion and American standard. Continental fashion—the diner cuts the food usually one bite at a time and uses the fork in the left hand, tines pointing down, to spear the food and bring it to the mouth. American standard—a few bites are cut, the knife is laid across the top of the plate, sharp edge toward you, and the fork is switched to the right hand, if right-handed, tines up to bring the food to the mouth. (Do not cut more than two or three bites at a time.)

Dessert Utensils: Dessert utensils may be found placed across the top of the place setting. Place these utensils down for use after the main course is removed (fork to the left and spoon to the right).

Passing: Pass “community food” such as the breadbasket, salt and pepper, and salad dressing to the right. Always pass the salt and pepper together. When passing items such as a creamer, syrup pitcher or gravy boat, pass it with the handle pointing toward the recipient.

Seasoning: Always taste your food first before using any seasonings. Do not assume it needs to be seasoned.

Sweeteners: Do not be excessive with sugar or sweetener packets. The rule of thumb is no more than two packets per meal. Do not crumble the packets but partially tear off a corner, empty the contents and place to the side.

Bread: Bread/rolls should never be eaten whole. Break into smaller, more manageable pieces, buttering only one bite at a time. Toast and garlic bread however may be eaten as whole pieces since they are usually already buttered. If you are served a piping hot muffin or biscuit, you may break in half crosswise, butter and put back together. However when ready to actually eat, break it into small pieces.

Glasses: A variety of types and sizes of glasses can be used throughout the meal. Remember your items to drink will be located in the area above your knife and spoon. Coffee cups may be located to the right of the knife and spoon.

Alcohol: Alcohol, if consumed, should be in moderation. In most cases you may have a drink during the social hour and wine(s) with the dinner. You do not have to finish your drink. In fact slowly sipping is recommended. If you do not want an alcoholic drink politely decline.
Buffets: Buffets provide an opportunity to select items you enjoy. Do not overload your plate. Select a balanced variety of food items.

Pre-Set Meals: With a pre-set meal the host/hostess has already made the selections and the individuals are served. If allergic, religious or vegetarian issues arise, quietly deal with these as the server is at your side. For vegetarian ask if you may have a vegetable plate; with allergies or religion provide the server with some options (ex. Allergic to shellfish—ask if they have cod or flounder and be ready with your preference). This lets the server know what you can eat. Always eat a little of all items served to you.

Ordering from Menu: As the guest select an item that is in the mid-price range, easy to eat and you will enjoy. Consider asking your host/hostess for a recommendation before making your decision. As the host it is helpful to take the lead in ordering appetizers and wine, if these are to be served.

Finished: When finished with a course, leave your plates in the same position that they were presented to you. In other words, do not push your plates away or stack them.
Guest: If you are someone’s guest at a meal, ask the person what he/she recommends. By doing this, you will learn price range guidelines and have an idea of what to order. Usually order an item in the mid price range. Also keep in mind, the person who typically initiates the meal will pay. Remember to thank them for the meal.

Restaurant Staff: Wait staff, servers, Maitre d’, etc. are your allies. They can assist you with whatever problem may arise. Quietly get their attention and speak to them about the issue.

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Ellen can be reached at: (801) 581-0269 or www.impactfactoryutah.com