Balancing Womanhood and Motherhood

Every day we mothers run to and fro but without thinking do we really need
to? Put in place a few positive parameters to get back that “ahhh” happy-
mama feeling.

1. Set Appropriate Boundaries on Your Time and Energy. You have
x amount
of energy to dole out, so be proactive in how you use it. If Bobby forgot to
load the dishwasher or Susie forgot her report, ask first, “Is this my
responsibility?” Stop and consider if it’s the best use of your energy right
then. My children get a one-time Forget Freebie, and after that they pay gas
or do a chore in exchange. If you made dinner, DO NOT clean up. Sit on the
chair and direct traffic if you must, but let the family pitch in, even if they’re
whining about leaving for an activity. Decide how many sports and
afterschool activities you can reasonably drive them to—try one per child at
the most—then draw the line. They’ve got their whole childhood—mama’s
sanity comes first.

2. Teach Children Accountability. Those big eyes are staring at you
and
saying, “Oops” but it might just be the best time for a life lesson. Joy
Lundberg shares how to deal with adult children when they call home for
money. Be a broken record. When he says, “But I’m out of money, it’s tough
right now,” simply validate, “That is hard, I don’t like being out of money
either.” When he pushes for cash, don’t take on the problem. Lovingly return
it and say, “That’s a tough situation. How can you earn some more money?
How can you better budget?” Helping them learn on small risks lessens your
nagging and helps them get bigger concepts. Recently one of our children
received a C for his grades, though he’s capable of better. So his iPod went
into cold storage until he brought it up. But, it was taking a while and he
found other entertainments. Hmm, now what to do as a parent. So I casually
mentioned one day that seeing as he wasn’t using his iPod, we could give it
to his brother. Within two weeks his grades were back up to As and Bs.
Keeping children accountable nips issues in the bud and allows you more
relaxation and less stress.

3. Create Positive Connection. Women need positive connection
with other
women, it’s that simple.A recent UCLA study shows that when a woman is
stressed, her body releases the hormone oxytocin which actually encourages
her to tend children or gather with other women instead. As she does gather,
more oxytocin is released and thereby more calm. Remember to connect with
a variety of friends—not everyone has to be a BFF. Last week an article was
posted on KSL.com by Elizabeth Hill, who said, “No person should ever be
burdened with fulfilling your every need, wish and whim for companionship.”
Don’t pressure one friend. From see-them-at-soccer ladies to old blue jeans
kind of friends—time-tested and comfy—you can keep your connection
bucket filled. And that makes you happier and more balanced in whatever
you do.