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Build self-compassion by really knowing yourself. 4 ways to strengthen self-love

Self-compassion is an important part of life.

We all need self-compassion. We need to be kind, patient, and forgiving with ourselves, But how do we cultivate this self-compassion?

According to author and speaker Connie Sokol, it starts with truly knowing who we are.


The Importance of Self-Love

Connie believes in an inside-out approach to self-love.

“I think this is such a huge thing for women,” she said. “When we strengthen ourselves, we show up better in every area of our lives.”

Women are constantly trying to make connections with others. But Connie pointed out that the first connection we need to make is with ourselves.

“We’re so busy making sure every key relationship connects with each other and we’re connected with them,” she said. “It’s everyone getting what they need that we really don’t realize when we’re depleted.”

The Relationship with Ourselves

Studio 5 Relationship Contributor Dr. Matt Townsend analyzed a study about the relationships we have in our lives over an average of 75 years. He concluded that the relationship we have with ourselves is the one we’ll spend the most time with over the course of our lives.

“So, we need that to be strong,” said Connie.

Reconnecting with Ourselves

So how do we start the reconnection process? According to Connie, it starts with spending time with yourself in the morning.

“When we can reset in the morning, connect with ourselves and with God or a higher power, we can start the day ready for whatever comes,” she said.

Connie suggested starting your day with just five minutes each morning.

“Studies back it up,” she said. “Even just a few minutes, you’ll have increased energy levels, you release endorphins, and you’ll improve those repetitive thoughts that come in your head.”

Loving Who We See in the Mirror

Some women, especially as they age, feel like they don’t recognize or love who they see in the mirror.

To them, Connie said, “Start by looking in the mirror and write down ‘because of my body, I’m able to do or experience XYZ.’ I can lift weights, I can play pickleball, I can cook that dinner, I can listen to my baby’s giggle, whatever it might be.”

Reconnecting with Others

Finally, Connie addressed the issue of feeling disconnected from friends. She suggested making a simple reconnect list.

“Take three names of three friends, send them a text, and say, ‘I love you. I miss you. Thank you for being that influence in my life.’ Because the person on the other end of that text is feeling the same emptiness, loneliness, disconnect that you are.”

Self-compassion is a journey that starts with knowing ourselves, loving who we see in the mirror, and making connections with ourselves and others.

Connie said, “You don’t know you need it until you do it, so do it. And then you’ll see that you need it.”

Find more advice from Connie at

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