Always expecting more could be considered cheating on your spouse.
It’s interesting how although we love our spouse the most, we often judge our spouse the most. It’s easy to fall into the habit of consistently expecting and wanting more.
Life Coach Jody Moore calls this cheating! She says women are cheating on their husband with their husband’s potential. She shares a few mind shifts to help us love our spouse where they are right now.
Check out jodymoore.com for more advice. You can also sign up there for her virtual retreat, Wellness Week.
3 Ways to Stop Cheating on Your Spouse With Their Potential
- Understand ambition. Ambition is a character trait that is stronger in some than others. Our culture has made it a moral thing but it’s not. Contentment it just as noble and good as ambition. A lot of people are content with where they are and what they have. They are not “less than” because they’re not striving to move up the ladder at work or make more money (for example). Ambitious people label content people as “lazy” and content people label ambitious people as “ungrateful” but the truth is both are great ways to live.
- Know the difference between being supportive and being controlling. Maybe your spouse also wants to achieve some big goals and you want to support him or her. Great. The difference between supporting and trying to control is in how you feel. A little disappointment or compassion if they don’t succeed is normal, but if you’re resentful or overly frustrated you’ve taken it on too much and are trying to control things that aren’t yours to own. Support him but don’t let your emotional state be dependent on whether or not he succeeds.
- Meet your own needs. This is a controversial one because we’re traditionally taught that a marriage is for meeting one another’s needs. The truth is many of your needs will likely be met by your spouse but any that require your spouse to pretend to be someone other than who he is, are yours to own. If you really want to travel and your spouse doesn’t like travel, find a travel buddy. If you want more money and your spouse is content with the amount you have, go figure out how to make money. When we delegate our needs to our spouse, we build resentment. Meet your own needs and bring a complete whole you to the marriage and then you can love your spouse for who he or she is without needing them to change for your sake.