However, when grandparents are viewed as an important extension of the central family and proactively invited and involved in key areas of life experiences, the generations are linked, resulting in stronger family units with a sense of heritage, the assurance of loving support, more emotional stability, and increased joy.
Fay A. Klinger, author of The LDS Grandparents’ Idea Book, shares ways to create a connection.
Of course there are a number of ways that involvement can occur. Here are several suggestions broken down into four categories. Keep in mind some grandparents have plenty of energy while others are worn out easily and/or are physically limited. Gear your involvement accordingly.
1. Be an example
2. Give your time and expertise
3. Personalize Gift Giving
4. Teach values
Be an Example
In all instances, your actions speak louder than your words. That includes your body language. Note that even your voice tone conveys a positive or negative message. So be caring and considerate in your interactions and efforts to link the generations.
• Speak lovingly of the grandparents in conversations. Speak of them as examples of correct principles.
• Make it a priority to visit the grandparents often, taking the family with you whenever possible. A simple visit is often more appreciated than anything else, especially if it includes spontaneous hugs!
• Write notes or verbalize your gratitude to the grandparents for the life skills and values they taught, and share those feelings with the grandchildren.
• Initiate a phone call to the grandparents frequently to let them know you are thinking about them and to determine if their needs are met. Ask how they are instead of just telling them about your frustrations and what you need. And listen with your full attention. Listen to their feelings being expressed, and try to understand.
• Invite the grandparents over to your house for a homecooked meal with your family. Prepare food they can eat. Perhaps make it a special appreciation dinner where they are king and queen for the evening. Ask them to bring pictures to share of when they were young or stories of how they met.
• Offer sincere praise where it is merited.
• When you are invited to the grandparents home for dinner, notice if there is enough food for everyone. Instruct the grandchildren to take a small amount of food until all have been served, especially the grandparents.
• Support the grandparents in their activities just like you want to be supported in yours—speaking engagements, award ceremonies, sports events, family gatherings . . .
• Forgive them for not being perfect. You will not be perfect in your parenting either. Allow their heartfelt intentions to rule.
• Present the grandparents with an appreciation scrapbook you and your children have worked on together.
Give Your Time and Expertise
You may have skills your parents did not develop, especially with today’s rapid changes and advances in technology. So offer your abilities, muscle, and energy to serve those you love.
• Take your children with you to help clean the grandparents’ yard—mowing, edging, trimming bushes, and weeding flower and vegetable gardens.
• Encourage your children to help with the grandparents’ projects—building a paver patio, staining a deck, repairing a car, or painting and/or papering a room.
• Discuss with interested grandparents more than just what is happening at your house and theirs. Talk about economic situations, how to solve a gardening or automotive problem, environmental issues, or new finds in nutrition.
• Play games with them—card, word, or board games.
• Perform for them—sing around the piano, play an instrument, or share an original poem or story.
• Where interests match, take the grandchildren to the grandparents’ home to learn a skill—how to knit, cook, garden, compose music, write a story.
• Read to them.
• When cooking is difficult for the grandparents, cook and freeze dinners (such as soup) that they can easily prepare just by warming.
• Offer to help clean their home or do the shopping.
• Travel with them—take them to weddings, funerals, special extended family gatherings.
• Take them to the doctor and make notes for them of what the doctor says.
• Help with technical support—televisions, DVDs, computers, ipods, phones, and other electronic devices.
• Take the grandparents on a picnic in their own front room—bring a blanket and some outdoor music, pass out the fried chicken and biscuits, and serve their favorite fruit.
Personalize Gift Giving
Showing appreciation for grandparents does not have to be only on special occasions. Spontaneous gift giving brings joy to the giver and the receiver. So consider dropping by the grandparents home today with a gift, remembering diet restrictions—hugs go a lot further than sweets!
• Make a gift card—dinner for two (along with your family) at the grandparents’ favorite restaurant. Of course it could be taking the grandparents with your family to the ice cream shop, to a movie or play, or to the park or mountains for a picnic. Offer a few calendar dates and follow through with the grandparents to see the card redeemed.
• Provide a gift card to their favorite store, museum, or special interest activity (such as horseback riding or golfing).
• Encourage the grandchildren to hand make birthday (or other occasion) cards instead of giving store-bought. Perhaps they could draw pictures to include and you could attach a photo.
• Ask the grandparents out on a blind date—blind because it’s a surprise to them (until you get there) of where you’re going and what you’re doing.
• Let the grandchildren make things (for no special occasion) for the grandparents—favorite cookies or dessert, pottery, paintings, bracelets, etc. (depending on the age of the child).
• Invite the grandparents to your home for dinner for their birthdays, Mother’s/Father’s Day, and other special occasions. Or cook the grandparents’ favorite meal and take it to their home (if they cannot come to yours).
• Give them a copy of their favorite type of book—adventure, mystery, romance, or The LDS Grandparents’ Idea Book.
• As a gift, take grandpa fishing or take grandma to have a pedicure.
• Call and visit. E-mail is wonderful for everyday communication, but for giftgiving, it is too impersonal.
Teach Values
As you involve grandparents in your family events and activities at a frequency that gives a real presence in the life of the grandchild, family values become evident. To the grandchild, Grandpa and Grandma become people “who love me and care about me and are among my closest friends,” not just someone that shows up to occasional events, or merely mentioned in passing. So carry the family torch or banner by the way you live and encourage the grandchildren to be another strong link in the family chain.
• Instruct the grandchildren to use good manners and obey the grandparents’ rules while in the grandparents’ home.
• Respect their property and teach your children to do the same. Grandparents may not be in a position to replace broken or damaged items.
• Include the grandparents as the topic and beneficiary of your family prayers.
• Honor the grandparents, commenting frequently to the grandchildren about the grandparents’ work ethic and integrity.
Here’s an idea. September 7th is National Grandparents’ Day. Singing to the tune of “The Twelve Days of Christmas,” give the grandparents a gift on that day and eleven days thereafter.
On the first day of grandparenting, our family gave to us
A note of love and gratitude.
On the second day of grandparenting, our family gave to us
Two store gift cards,
And a note of love and gratitude.
On the third day of grandparenting, our family gave to us
Three weeks of lawnmowing,
Two store gift cards,
And a note of love and gratitude.
On the fourth day of grandparenting, our family gave to us
Four car washes,
Three weeks of lawnmowing,
Two store gift cards,
And a note of love and gratitude.
On the fifth day of grandparenting, our family gave to us
Five vegetables with dip,
Four car washes,
Three weeks of lawnmowing,
Two store gift cards,
And a note of love and gratitude.
On the sixth day of grandparenting, our family gave to us
Six kitchen towels,
Five vegetables with dip,
Four car washes,
Three weeks of lawnmowing,
Two store gift cards,
And a note of love and gratitude.
On the seventh day of grandparenting, our family gave to us
Seven pears in a basket,
Six kitchen towels,
Five vegetables with dip,
Four car washes,
Three weeks of lawnmowing,
Two store gift cards,
And a note of love and gratitude.
On the eighth day of grandparenting, our family gave to us
Eight red, paper hearts,
Seven pears in a basket,
Six kitchen towels,
Five vegetables with dip,
Four car washes,
Three weeks of lawnmowing,
Two store gift cards,
And a note of love and gratitude.
On the ninth day of grandparenting, our family gave to us
Nine chocolate-covered berries,
Eight red, paper hearts,
Seven pears in a basket,
Six kitchen towels,
Five vegetables with dip,
Four car washes,
Three weeks of lawnmowing,
Two store gift cards,
And a note of love and gratitude.
On the tenth day of grandparenting, our family gave to us
Ten helium balloons,
Nine chocolate-covered berries,
Eight red, paper hearts,
Seven pears in a basket,
Six kitchen towels,
Five vegetables with dip,
Four car washes,
Three weeks of lawnmowing,
Two store gift cards,
And a note of love and gratitude.
On the eleventh day of grandparenting, our family gave to us
Eleven blooming flowers,
Ten helium balloons,
Nine chocolate-covered berries,
Eight red, paper hearts,
Seven pears in a basket,
Six kitchen towels,
Five vegetables with dip,
Four car washes,
Three weeks of lawnmowing,
Two store gift cards,
And a note of love and gratitude.
On the twelfth day of grandparenting, our family gave to us
Twelve loving hugs,
Eleven blooming flowers,
Ten helium balloons,
Nine chocolate-covered berries,
Eight red, paper hearts,
Seven pears in a basket,
Six kitchen towels,
Five vegetables with dip,
Four car washes,
Three weeks of lawn mowing,
Two store gift cards,
And a note of love and gratitude.
Fay A. Klingler appears as a guest speaker on radio and television shows across the nation and offers unfailing advice to seminar participants. Her expertise ranges from betrayal recovery to blending families and successful grandparenting. Her bestselling book The LDS Grandparents’ Idea Book includes over 400 ideas of things to do with grandchildren. Fay and her husband, Larry, have twelve children and thirty-one grandchildren in their blended family.
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