De-Stress Your Man

Dr. Margit Lister with Intermountain Health Care and Studio 5 Relationship Coach Matt Townsend share tips to help you “De-Stress Your Man.”

One word: stress. It’s an emotion we all feel, especially in these tough financial times. But a recent study shows women are bearing the brunt of the worry. According to the American Psychological Association, 80-percent of those surveyed find the recent financial crisis to be a significant cause of stress…that number is up from 66-percet last April.

That probably doesn’t come as much of a surprise…but what’s interesting is women actually reported a greater level of stress, expressing more worry over job stability and health problems than men. So as a woman, what can you do to alleviate the stress level of your family, your home and your husband? Here are a few practical tips:


From a women’s perspective, I think that exercising with your spouse is a great ‘time’ together…if you can do it. Personally, this is impossible in my marriage. But we do walk together. This is an active event where we can discuss things that are troubling and take time (with or without kids) to talk things out.

Time away from the stressful event/trigger

I think the most important things regarding this is…’if the job is the stress’ then you cannot assume that the home life is a non stressful environment. Ask your spouse, “I see that things are stressful at work, you need some time for you. What can I do that would be helpful to you?” I bond with my children to release my stress of the day. Men may not do this. They may need a night playing basketball with the guys. It completely depends on the guy. I think the woman needs to ask.

Limit activities that would encourage you to ‘avoid’ dealing with the stressful event.

This includes drugs valium, heavy alcohol use, etc. If you are drinking heavily or using drugs to escape your day-to-day stress, I would strongly urge the ‘stressed’ individual to seek counseling. This is not an area that I see going well for the couple unless they have professional help.

-Margit S. Lister, M.D.

Be affectionate!

(Of course I had to put this in there!) Some research shows that men need about 4 times more touch then women. Touching releases endorphins, which are natural pain killers which help de-stress. Touching not only keeps them closer but also bonds them to you.


One of the biggest stressors in a man’s life is an unhappy or stressed out partner. If you’re unhappy men internalize this through their ego, which means they tend to feel that they are failing as a partner. It’s pretty much as the saying goes, “If momma ain’t happy ain’t nobody happy.” Being positive and happy around your partner is one of the easiest ways to de-stress. Set your planner aside and focus on relaxed time more than your to do lists.

Find the Humor!

Another natural way to release pain and stress is to have a good laugh daily. Research shows that humors has many positive benefits that increase health and de-stress life. Find some time every day to have fun and laugh with one another. Learn to find the lighter side of the issues and don’t take everything so personal. A little laughter a day keeps the doctor away.

-Matt Townsend, Relationship Coach

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