You don’t get closure from others. 5 ways to own your emotions and find it yourself

Don’t wait for an apology to get closure.

We often hear words like ‘cancel,’ ‘boundaries,’ and ‘closure’ in our social circles or on social media. Imagine what would happen if we heard more words like ‘connect,’ ‘build,’ ‘accept,’ and ‘love.’

Studio 5 Parenting Contributor Heather Johnson says buzz words like “closure” are often misunderstood, and they could be hurting your relationships. She emphasized the importance of shifting our focus from seeking closure to fostering connection.

The Misconception of Closure

Closure is often perceived as a resolution provided by others—an apology, an explanation, or someone taking responsibility. However, Heather argued that true closure is something we must give ourselves. It involves taking accountability, managing our emotions, and moving forward independently of others’ actions.

Real-Life Examples

Heather provided various family scenarios where the need for closure arises:

• Sibling Rivalry: Adult siblings feeling their parents played favorites.
• Minor Disputes: Simple squabbles, like borrowing and not returning a shirt properly.
• Ghosting: Being left without explanation in relationships.
• Parental Support: Adult children feeling unsupported by their parents, leading to strained relationships.

In these situations, people often refuse to move forward until they receive closure, which can hinder personal growth.

Why We Crave Closure

The desire for closure stems from emotional investment in relationships. We seek understanding, exoneration, and someone else to take responsibility. However, this need can become an ego-driven barrier to growth as we wait for others to provide what we can only give ourselves.

Redefining Closure

Closure is not provided by others. It isn’t waiting for an apology or explanation. Rather, it is self-provided. It involves taking accountability, managing emotions, and moving forward.

Steps to Healthier Closure

1. Stop Relying on Others: Don’t base your ability to move forward on others’ actions. Take control of your own growth and healing.
2. Accept Rather Than Resolve: Focus on accepting the situation and your emotions rather than seeking a resolution. Closure is about managing emotions and moving forward despite unanswered questions.
3. Build a Bridge: View closure as a bridge you build yourself, connecting past events to your future goals. It may not be pretty, but it helps you move forward.
4. Take Responsibility: Own your contributions, emotions, and healing process. This empowers you to move forward independently of others’ actions.
5. Stay Connected: Surround yourself with people who understand true closure and support your growth. Avoid those who encourage you to “cut someone out” or “wait for an apology.”

To contact Heather for counseling, email blog.familyvolley@gmail.com, or visit www.familyvolley.blogspot.com.