Facebook and Your Self-Esteem

When you hop on facebook and see the accomplishments of all your friends,
does it help or hurt your self-esteem? Research tends to indicate that
facebook interaction can actually be good for your feelings of self-worth.

Studio 5 Relationship Coach Matt Townsend shares his points for making
sure facebook stays a positive influence.

1. Choose Your FB Page Over Your Mirror

· Researchers at Cornell University found that participants who looked at
their Facebook Page for only 3 minutes reported a higher self-esteem boost
than those who looked in the mirror.

o Facebook pages are edited versions of ourselves, handcrafted, idealistic
and allow us to present ourselves to the world, the way we want to be

· Mirrors, Video Cameras and Pictures all heighten our “self-awareness”
because they are unedited. They force us to engage in our “real” selves,
which lowers our self-esteem.

o We get more critical of self, thinking everyone sees us the way we do.

2. Edit Your Facebook Profile Regularly

· The same Cornell Study showed that the highest reports of self-esteem
came from participants who also edited their Facebook profile during the 3
minute time.

o Esteem Improves when we are in charge of creating our profile, or our
ideal image we send out. The ability and power to improve our self-esteem
helps us.

o We can choose our best pictures, our responses, and the info about how
we want the world to see us, all in our control and under our direction.

3. No More Than 354 Facebook Friends

· In a study reviewed by the Society for Personality and Social Psychology,
they found that having more than 354 Facebook friends seemed to be a point
where Facebookers became increasingly less happy with their lives.

o The researchers found that by reading some of their friends’ status
updates, they rated their lives as much less satisfying than people who didn’t
check their news feed.

o The more friends you have, the more likely you are to be online,
comparing yourself to others and reading about the perfect lives of others.
Fewer friends mean fewer comparisons.

4. Kick the Social Climbers, Braggarts & Posers off Your FB Island

· Many Facebookers are committing emotional suicide by comparing
themselves to others. If it’s better to have fewer friends, make sure you
eliminate the ones that excessively brag, boast or drop names.

o Remember that FB gives only a limited view into their lives and is skewed
unrealistically positive. We may see the “wakes from their boats and their
boobs that are fakes” but you don’t see everything else that is going on.

o You don’t usually hear about the marriage that is in turmoil, or their
child who is struggling with drugs or the house that is in forclosure. Those
issues usually aren’t worth bragging about.

o By unsubscribing from the people that don’t bring you peace, you’re
creating more space in your Facebook world to truly focus on the success of
friends you really appreciate and adore.

o You can also adjust your news feeds to receive smaller portions of your
friends updates so you don’t have to see them unless you chase after them.

5. Make Only Positive Comments on Other People’s Walls

· A recent released study by Forest and Wood reveals that your self-esteem
can effect what type of comments you make on Facebook.

o People with low self esteem tend to give more negative feedback and
those that gave more negative feedback had more people “like” them less.

o Having fewer “likes” usually meant you felt less appreciated, lowering
your self-esteem.

· Remember the priniciple of Karma — you reap what you sow.

6. Remember That Real Self-Esteem Comes With Who You “Are”, Not
Who You Know!

· Minimize the time you spend living vicariously through your friends and
others on Facebook. There is a reason they call looking in on your friend’s
life on Facebook, creeping. Because frankly, it is a little creepy.

· True self-esteem comes when you focus on finding out what is most
special about you. What are your talents, gifts and offerings that only you
can bring to the world?

o Turn off your Facebook and begin to connect more with the people that
matter most to you. Quit trying to build hundreds of relationships and
instead just get really good at building those that truly matter the most to

· Real self-esteem comes when you lose yourself in the service of those
you love most and when your relationship with yourself, your God and your
loved ones is on solid ground.

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