Sometimes the most powerful trap to get caught in is your own belief
system. We all hang on to ideas, or ways of thinking, that just might be
holding us down. So what if you could shake loose from your own rules and
Relationship Coach Matt Townsend has identified five things women should
just let go of.
1. Let go of the belief that you can have everything!
Life is about choices and your choices determine both the benefits you reap
and consequences you suffer. All choices have a cost and those costs are
determined not by what you want them to be, but instead by the principle
you’re choosing to live by. As a child of divorced parents my mom had to
work to support the family. The reality was she didn’t want to work, she
didn’t love to work and yet we needed her to work. The benefit was that we
had food on the table and clothes to wear to school. The consequence was
the fact that she always came home exhausted and ready to go to bed with
most of her best energy spent at work. Some other consequences were that
we were left unattended, less of our homework got done, and more TV was
watched. The reality of life is that there really is only so much to go around
and instead of thinking you can have everything, it might be better to get
very clear about the top three things that matter most and work hard to
just obtain those. Once you have the top three things in your life then focus
on obtaining everything else. Be sure as you begin to move down your list
that you don’t sacrifice any of your top three things for the eighth thing on
your list just because you don’t already have it. One thing that made my
mother’s life easier was that she knew the top three things she wanted for
her kids. She wanted us healthy, happy and wise, everything else was just
2. Let go of your need to have things done your way!
First of all, let’s get it clear, no child or husband can probably do what you
are asking them to do half as good as you can! So unless you want us to
rebel against you, please just let us do it our way. If we make a mess while
washing the dishes, it will be our mess. As long as the dishes get
reasonably clean, in a reasonable time frame, you win and you didn’t have
to do them. Remember that people are much more inclined to do things if
they can do it their way. The minute you prescribe the way to do it, you
have probably lost their motivation which you desperately need. You must
know that for your husband and kids, it really would be easier to keep
making mistakes if they know you’ll immediately step in and get it done
“the right way” or “your way.” So don’t let them off so easy and let them do
it their way so you can play!
3. Let go of the belief that others don’t help because they don’t care
There are many reasons why your spouse and children don’t help more
around the house and most of them have nothing to do with the fact that
they don’t care. Let me give you a few….
· They are more okay with a mess than you are.
· They are always told how messy they are and they believe it.
· You’ve never asked.
· They don’t know how to do the work you need done.
· They’re insecure, lazy, unprepared, uneducated, distracted, depressed,
overwhelmed in life, exhausted or ADD.
In reality, there are dozens of reasons why people don’t do more to help
around the house and only one of them is that that don’t care about you. In
my experience, they care immensely; they just have to feel like you
understand where they’re coming from before they’ll try to understand
where you’re coming from. When you act like someone doesn’t care about
you or your needs, eventually they actually start to not care. That’s a
problem that is much harder to fix than the other more simple reasons
4. Let go of the thought that saying “No” to others makes you selfish or
What this world needs is a lot more “No’s” and a lot fewer “Yes’s”. Just think
of how many families are in incredible debt right now because they just
can’t say “No” to the marketing that bombards them. Imagine how many
people are suffering with obesity, addictions and a lack of focus just to
name a few because they never gained the discipline that comes from the
ability to say “No.” Saying “No” is a major character builder. It is not a sign
of weakness or selfishness as much as it is a subtle nod toward what truly
matters most in your life. By shutting the door with a “No” when your child
asks you to buy them a toy at the store, you might be opening a new door
for them to learn how to work for the toy themselves. Your “No’s” are much
less about you being selfish and much more about you knowing what your
5. Let go of the Jones’ and others that you’re trying so hard to keep up
Not everything about your neighbors is really that appealing. Trust me, as
someone who delves into the very private details of people’s lives every
day, no one is complete, no one has a closet free from skeletons or
weaknesses. Sure, your neighbors or family members seem to have a lot of
toys, clothes and fun things on the outside, but most of the time they’re
probably wishing they had some of the simplicity and intangible things that
you possess. Nothing is more exhausting than trying to keep up on the
gerbil wheel of life and nothing will kill your will to keep going more than
trying to stay ahead of an illusion that will never come to fruition. The
simple truth is the minute we no longer are trying to get ahead or at least
keep up to everyone else, we will start to be grateful for the blessings and
good things that we do have. Now is the time to find some peace in your
life by giving up the chase and losing the illusive “American Dream;” a
dream which now consists of hundreds of thousands of dollars of debt, the
need to work until we’re 70 years old and the feeling of being too
exhausted to spend real quality time with our family.
Find and “like” Matt Townsend on Facebook and you will be entered to win
a FREE admission to Matt’s Date Night on September 23, 2011!
For more information about Matt’s workshops, visit www.matttownsend.com.