You should say something to someone going through the grieving process.
When a loved one is experiencing heartache and grief, it’s natural to question how you can best show up for them. Is it dropping off dinner? Is it a phone call? Is it a simple text saying, “I love you”?
Julie Taylor, who knows grief well after the loss of her newborn son Simon, believes that what’s most important is that you do or say something.
The Importance of Saying Something
Julie emphasized that saying nothing hurts the most. “I know it’s uncomfortable, and I know we’re scared, but you get really in your head of like, ‘there’s a certain thing I should say, or there’s a certain thing I shouldn’t say.’ Sometimes we freeze, and we say nothing,” she explained. Instead, she suggested simple gestures like, “Hey, I’m thinking about you,” or “Hey, I love you.” It doesn’t have to be deeper than that. The key is to acknowledge their pain and let them know they are not alone.
Avoiding Platitudes
Julie advised against using platitudes such as “everything happens for a reason” or “you’ll see them again.” These can be hurtful because they oversimplify the complexity of grief.
“The grieving person needs to come to that conclusion on their own,” she said. Instead, meet them where they are and let them guide the conversation.
Saying Their Name
One powerful way to support someone in grief is by saying the name of the person they lost. “When the person is gone, we don’t get to say their name. We don’t get to hear it. We don’t get to say it because they’re not here,” Julie shared. Hearing someone else say their loved one’s name can be incredibly meaningful. It acknowledges their existence and keeps their memory alive.
Setting Reminders
Julie suggested setting reminders in your phone for significant dates, such as three or six months after the loss. “When someone reaches out to me and says ‘Simon would have been three months today, I’m thinking about you,’ it means everything,” she said. These reminders show that you remember and care, even as time passes.
Practical Support
While emotional support is crucial, practical help can also make a big difference. “Dropping off toilet paper, driving carpool – I had a friend shop for funeral clothes for my children,” Julie recalled. These acts of service help keep life going when the grieving person’s world has stopped.
“Helping life continue to go on is everything,” she added.
Avoid Judging Grief
Julie encouraged people not to judge how others grieve. “People grieve very differently, and they’re going to sometimes do things that you might feel critical toward. Just let people have their process,” she advised. Show up for them, regardless of how uncomfortable it might be, and keep showing up.
The Effort Matters
What matters most is the effort you put in. “I’ve been through it now, and I still don’t totally know the best way to show up for someone because it’s so personal, but what I do know matters is the effort,” Julie said. Whether it’s a text, a visit, or a practical gesture, your effort shows that you care.
A Creative Outlet for Grief
Julie has also created a coloring book to help people navigate their grief. “Coloring has actually been scientifically proven to have the same benefits as meditation,” she explained. Her coloring book offers two sides: one for hopeful moments and one for when nothing feels okay. It’s a tool to help people process their emotions in a creative and non-judgmental way.
You can find Julie’s coloring book on her Instagram, @theJulieTaylor, where the link is available in her bio.
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