Being attracted to your spouse, being protective of your spouse, being of one mind with your spouse are all good. But when it crosses over into being “clingy” it turns bad in a hurry.
Studio 5 Relationship Coach Dr. Matt Townsend shares the “clingy quiz” to see if you pass.
The Real Sting from Too Much Cling
· Clinginess is annoying! Just think about how a pair of pants with static cling annoys you throughout the day. Or when your children cling and hang on you when they’re afraid or shy.
· When something is clinging to us, we don’t just let it stick, we tend to do everything we can to shake it off.
· Dealing with someone who is clingy is exhausting and demoralizing.
· It’s scary to see the people around us so insecure without us. It makes our trust levels drop as we know that they can’t be independent without us.
· It’s suffocating and smothering and we’ll do whatever we can to get away from it.
· Rule: If you stick too much, I tend to avoid or pull away.
· Rule: My need for space is equal to your demand for clinginess.
Recognize the Differences between Clinging and Cleaving
· In marriages, the Bible says we are supposed to “cleave unto our spouse and unto to none other”. . . so many of our partners assume that their clinginess is only a sign of love, not control. They misinterpret clingy for cleaving. Despite the fact that the words cling and cleave both appear in the dictionary definitions of each other, that doesn’t mean that they both mean the same thing. Here’s how they differ.
o Cling — to hold fast or adhere closely (to something), as by gripping or sticking in contact with each other.
o Cleave — to adhere closely; stick; cling, to remain faithful to. However cleave as a verb also means to part or split (cleaver) especially along a natural line of division. We should be able to both cling and divide along a healthy line of division.
The Clinginess Quiz
In order to know if you or your partner is taking the clinginess a little too far, here’s our “Clinginess Quiz” to let you know if you have a deeper issue with clinginess that needs to be addressed.
· Has your partner expressed concerns that you are too clingy or needy?
· Do you get depressed or anxious when your partner isn’t around during the day?
· Do you place unrealistic expectations or demands on your partner because of your concerns?
· Do you feel like you are less valuable and important because your partner is more independent than you are?
· Are your thoughts and fears keeping you from focusing on other things in your life?
· Do you have a childhood history of abandonment or trust?
· Did/Do you suffer a strong and consistent sense fear of losing people who are close to you?
If you answered 3 or more of these positively, you might be a clingy partner. You might also want to begin to get to the root of the issue by following the recommendations below.
Fix the Root or Get Help
The basic rule to improve upon your clingy relationship is to either solve the problem yourself, or get help with a therapist or counselor. The causes of a clingy partner are diverse, but many of the issues come from issues with your partner’s development as a child, basic trust issues or some disorders. Each of these issues could be diagnosed and treated by competent therapists. Other less serious causes of clinginess might simply be your partner’s state of dependence on you. This can be improved upon by strengthening yourself physically, socially, emotionally and financially. By having a plan and consistently working to improve themselves in those areas, they may become independent enough to cling less.
For more information, visit Matt online where you can also find details for his latest date night.
“The Art of Positive Relating”
August 24, 2012 at 7pm