Mom guilt doesn’t have to be the enemy.
If you’re a mom, you are familiar with mom guilt. It can strike the best moms on the best days. Even if women know that feeling inadequate isn’t helpful within this important role, the emotion still bubbles up. So what if we could make friends with mom guilt?
Stefhanie Iliff is a certified life coach, a yoga teacher and a proud girl mom. She has three ways to work through those “mom guilt moments.”
Find more advice from Stefhanie on Instagram, @stefiliff.
3 Ways to Make Friends With Mom Guilt
MOM GUILT OVER SELF-CARE
I can resonate so deeply when I started my fitness journey, I would feel so guilty for wanting to go to the gym. What I found was that keeping a promise to myself to go to the gym helped me physically move through the guilt and release it while finding a deeper level of self-love that automatically positively affected my girls. I was happier, I started to have more energy, I wasn’t as stressed, and I became a more attentive and emotionally available mother.
Remember: Self-care allows you to serve from a space of devotion, rather than obligation.
MOM GUILT OVER QUALITY TIME
The saying “it takes a village” is true! We aren’t meant to raise our kids solo, we are here to receive support from our “village” in raising our children. Teachers, daycare, nannies, etc… they all teach and give your children a different version of love than you.
Allow yourself to receive support without guilt or shame. Support doesn’t make you less than or powerless or weak. Receiving support is strength and it also teaches your children how to receive.
Being a mom isn’t your only title, you are allowed to have a career AND be a devoted mother. Working doesn’t take away from the mom that you are or the love you give your kids. Having a career or passion project gives your kids permission to be multidimensional, while teaching them to embody their personal craft/talent.
Try to create a daily routine of spending 10-20 minutes of solo time each day with each child, giving them your specific attention with no distractions. Asking your kids questions about their day, playing a game they want to play, reading a book…this special one on one time Is they all desire and will help you feel like a total mom boss.
Remember: Focus on small pockets of quality time with the people you love.
MOM GUILT OVER CO-PARENTING
As a single mom, I can relate to this aspect of mom guilt. I’m recently engaged and cultivating coparenting on a different level with my fiancée and ex-husband isn’t easy. Sharing time with your kids can bring up a lot of guilt, and can also keep people stuck in unloving and unhealthy relationships.
Try to release the guilt story that kids from a divorced home are missing something and, instead, focus your energy on fully showing up for your kids when they’re with you. It’s all about the emotional availability you offer your kids and the safety you support with them.
Sharing time can be a really beautiful gift for you and your kids – a chance to receive more one-on-one time with each parent, while you each have alone time to recharge.
Children want to be heard, seen, loved and validated. Focusing on all the things they don’t have will create a feeling of scarcity in your nervous system, and your day-to-day life. Instead focus on all the ways you do support your children. This approach will create a feeling of abundance and love.
Remember: Move from a place of scarcity to a place of abundance.
In any situation, affirmation practice can release mom guilt. Here are a few of my favorite go-to affirmations to remind you of your mother power:
“Motherhood doesn’t take from me, it expands me.”
“Time expands for me.”
“Everything my kids need I have within me.”
“When I slow down, I see the gift of this present moment.”