Mindfully love those closest to you this holiday season.
People are hungry this holiday season for two very basic needs. First, we want to live in the present with more peace and time. Second, we long to have better, closer, loving connections with the people around us. The want for these two things is what is called “Mindfully Loving.”
Studio 5 Relationship Contributor Dr. Matt Townsend shares what we can do to better mindfully love the people who matter most.
Matt’s annual Valentine’s Date Night is coming up on Saturday, February 11. Tickets are on sale under live events at www.matttownsend.com.
5 Ways to Mindfully Love the People Around You
Psychologist and author David Richo in his book “How to be an Adult in Relationships…5 Keys to Mindful Loving” tells that we really need to be focusing on 5 specific things to create mindful loving which are Attention, Acceptance, Appreciation, Affection and Allowing. So think of one relationship this holiday that you really want to elevate to a new level of mindful loving and strengthening lets go through the 5 Gifts and ’s to see how we can both be present and connected to the people we love most.
The Gift of Attention – Giving Your Undivided Attention
Every human being needs to know that the people that they care most about are wiling to pay attention to you. Attention means that you have the engaged focus to your needs. Your gift this holiday is to give your significant other the attention and focus that they were never given. You job is to give attention not to scrutinize. Your family, your spouse your parents the present of your full, undivided attention. Turn off the distractions and start tuning into the lives, comments and issues that the people around you are facing. See if you can start to become a “careful observer” of what is going on in the lives of your significant other.
Gift of Acceptance – Wholly Accepting the Other Person as They Are
What is the one thing that you’ve always struggled with accepting about the person we’re trying to mindfully love this holiday season. just accept about the person you’re trying to serve this holiday. Is it one thing about yourself that you’ve never. What do you need to accept about yourself that keeps you from giving yourself fully to others. Do you need to accept that affection isn’t easy and offer it any way? Do you need to accept what your partner keeps telling you about yourself and believe that you are as great as they say you are?
Gift of Appreciation – Seeing and Valuing the Good the Other Brings To Life
What are the things you need to be more appreciative about this person you are trying to love this season? What are the strengths they bring that you overlook? What are the benefits this person brings to your life that you don’t usually notice, talk about, or point out as essential. Focus the holiday season on noticing and overtly appreciating all the good that this person does for you. See if you could appreciate more the effort, time, energy, and excitement they bring to your life and see if you could honor them more by truly appreciating and energizing the things they do bring.
The Gift of Affection – Adoring and Showing Fondness and Love for the Other
Truly loving your partner, the way they want to be loved. The word affection comes from the word affect, which means feeling. Affection includes nearness, or reliable availability. Not distancing or avoidance. Affection flows from a genuine like of someone, not just a drive to have sex. Think about their love language. Do they feel most loved by words, gifts, service, time, or touch? What can you do to “intentionally” love your partner their way. How can you consistently show your fondness and the sense of adoration for the people in your life? Are you willing use the attention, acceptance, and appreciation of the previous steps to go out on the limb and show the affection to the other that you know they deserve and desire?
The Gift of Allowance – Allowing Others to Fully Exercise their Agency Without Your Controlling Edits
It’s where we don’t try to control, correct, and get everyone else to adjust to our needs so that we can feel better. The gift of allowance is where to just be what they are, without your overwhelming need to control. Are you willing to allow your partner to be themselves and to celebrate the holiday the way they want to? Are you willing to Are the people around you able to. Do you make it safe for people to be themselves. Do you trust the other’s choices,
Can you release your strict rules and controls? If you grew up in unsafe situations, you may then create more rules and safeguards for everyone in your family to ensure that nobody is ever harmed. Does your need to overregulate, over control and over demand make it an unsafe place for others to be themselves? Do you allow people to bring their humor, their talents their gifts to the party? Or are you constantly critiquing and demanding people to be what you want them to be. Are you flexible? Or Rigid? Are you open to new ideas, new traditions, or new opportunities that you weren’t planning on? Do you foster cooperation or compliance? Can you stand aside when people need their space, their choice and their freedom and still love them anyway?