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‘Parenting has changed dramatically.’ How to navigate ‘gramnesia’ in your family

Does ‘gramnesia’ affect your family relationships?

“Gramnesia” is a term licensed therapist Dr. Ali Quaid describes as the phenomenon where grandparents forget what it’s like to have young children. This amnesia of early parenting days can lead to misunderstandings between parents and grandparents, especially during the holiday season.

Studio 5 Parenting Contributor Heather Johnson shared that one of the most significant shifts in parenting is the emphasis on emotions and opinions. Unlike 20 years ago, when children were often seen and not heard, today’s parenting involves more gentle and emotionally attentive approaches.

 

Embracing New Parenting Styles

“Parenting has changed dramatically,” said Heather. Grandparents need to remember that things are different now, and approach these changes with an open mind.

Instead of insisting on the old ways, they can ask to be taught and better understand the new methods. “It’s powerful to be teachable,” Heather emphasized, highlighting the importance of flexibility and openness to new parenting styles.

Multiple Right Ways to Parent

There isn’t just one correct way to parent. “There are lots of right ways to parent,” Heather noted. She compared this to using Google Maps: while the destination remains the same, new information can lead to different routes. Grandparents should recognize that different approaches can still lead to successful parenting outcomes.

The Role of Grandparents

Grandparents should focus on how they make their grandchildren and grown children feel, rather than the specific activities they do together. “It’s about how we feel with someone, not what we do with someone,” Heather reminded us. This perspective can help maintain strong, loving relationships across generations.

Parents as Gatekeepers

Parents play a crucial role as gatekeepers, controlling how open or closed the relationship is between their children and grandparents. “Our job is to keep that gate as open as we possibly can,” Heather advised. Understanding that grandparents want to matter, not necessarily be right, can help parents foster a more inclusive family dynamic.

Offering and Receiving Advice

Advice from grandparents is not mandatory to follow, but it should be respected. “We can hear advice from our parents or grandparents. It doesn’t mean we have to take it,” Heather explained. The key is to be open to understanding and considering their advice while making independent decisions as parents.


To contact Heather for counseling, email blog.familyvolley@gmail.com, or visit www.familyvolley.blogspot.com.

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