Get ready to go from self conscious to self-confident!
Self-worth analyst and author, Karen Eddington, shares a unique approach
to help you face your fears.
Being self-conscious can be described as being overly aware of a thought,
feature, or behavior. It is also a form of social unease meaning we are
uncomfortable around another person or group.
The Two-Step Process that can take you from Self-Conscious to
1. Apply the Worst Case Scenario: Think about a self-
conscious behavior you have and picture the worst things that can happen
in that specific situation. The key is instead of dwelling on this (as we often
do when we are self-conscious) learn to embrace the worst thing that can
happen, and then let it go. Instead of seeing your life as a catastrophe you
let it become okay to be embarrassed and to be imperfect. Instead of
hiding we learn to embrace our flaws and face our fears.
2. Investigate Your Assumption: We often make our own false
conclusions when we are self-conscious. We can be very hard on ourselves
and there are times we transpose our own deeply negative thoughts as the
thoughts of someone else. It is important to recognize that these
assumptions are not real.
Makeover 1: “I love music but I’m uncomfortable singing in
public. My voice isn’t very good and I feel like everyone is taking pity on me
when I sing.”
Worst Case Scenario: When you sing in front of people what do
you feel would be the worst thing that can happen? Your response may
include everyone labeling you as “terrible” or another disheartening phrase
you’ve heard the judges from American Idol use. You may be picturing a
situation where you are being forced to sing a solo, while everyone looks
on, laughing at you. If this situation were to happen you want to get to a
place where you can accept it and let it go. This works because instead of
hiding, you learn to let it become okay to be off-key and imperfect.
Investigate Your Assumption: You are likely making the
assumption that all the people around think you are a bad singer. The next
time you find yourself singing “Happy Birthday” and the candles are blown
out, ask the person next to you if they even noticed your singing voice.
You will find that people are most likely more focused on themselves then
they are of you. And even if you are off key, you’ve gone through the
process to be okay with that.
Makeover 2: “I have been trying to get healthy and recently
joined a gym. I am really uncomfortable at the gym, especially when I go to
Zumba class. I feel like everyone around me is coordinated and super fit
and I’m not. I feel out of place and I need to get over these emotions so I
can be healthy.”
Worst Case Scenario: When you are at Zumba describe the worst
thing that could happen. It may include the instructor asking you to come
to the front of the class, you unable to keep up, seeing your lack of talent,
while everyone is starring at you thinking, “She doesn’t belong.” Instead of
dreading that situation embrace it. Picture yourself in front of the entire
class, doing your own thing. We recently tested this theory out by
attending a Zumba class at the Lady Fitness gym in Pleasant View, UT.
During the class we created a situation where one person came to the front
and did their own thing while the entire class was starring at them. We
found that people were not passing judgment, or thinking badly of the
other person. The class was cheering them on offering support.
Investigate Your Assumption: A common assumption is that
everyone is watching you and judging you. Test this theory out and take
note of how many people really are watching. You will see that no one is
really paying that much attention to your flaws.
Makeover 3: ” I have a hard time leaving the house without
make-up on. One of my biggest fears is going to the grocery store with a
clean, unready face.”
Worst Case Scenario: Face your fears by first mentally reviewing
why this is a difficult situation for you. We protect ourselves and often
associate a memory or an experience with times we have been made fun of,
or perhaps more powerfully when we have made fun of others. Once you
better understand why you don’t want to hurt, you will better be able to
make it okay to go without make-up. This worst case scenario may include
being okay when someone is criticizing or judging you. You will be able to
let go of that self-conscious tendency when you can embrace the worst
case scenario of someone seeing you as you are.
Investigate Your Assumption: Test your theory that you are only
beautiful with make-up on. Do this by exploring the many definitions of
Karen Eddington is a Self-Worth Analyst and has spent over ten years
researching women and teens. She is the author of Today, I Live and directs
many community outreach programs on self-esteem. For more information
you can go to www.selfworthretreat.com