Set goals together. 5 ways to break out of apathy and reset your relationship

When you set goals as a couple, you can revitalize your connection.

At the start of a new year, many people focus on personal resolutions, but few consider “couple resolutions.”

Studio 5 Marriage & Family Contributor Dr. Liz Hale emphasized the importance of reflecting on relationships and using the new year as an opportunity to hit the ‘relationship reset’ button.

The Importance of Reflection

Dr. Liz believes that regular check-ins with partners are crucial. She mentioned, “The more check-ins we have, the fewer checkouts we do.” Reflecting on relationships helps prevent issues from being swept under the rug, which can lead to toxic positivity.

Understanding Apathy in Relationships

Apathy in relationships often manifests as detachment and isolation. Dr. Liz identified three types of apathy:

1. Emotional Apathy: Feelings are dull, and partners go through the motions without genuine care.
2. Physical Apathy: Lack of physical touch, leads to emotional disconnection.
3. Mental Apathy: Partners stop investing energy in the relationship.

Conquering Apathy

Dr. Liz offered a few solutions to combat apathy:

• Physical Activity: Engaging in physical activities like walking improves mood and clarity, positively affecting relationships. Liz shared, “Anytime that I am struggling in marriage, I’m a little irritated with my husband. It’s kind of like, oh my gosh, when was the last time I went for a walk?”
• Small Gestures: Simple acts like saying “please” and “thank you,” giving compliments, and expressing gratitude help rebuild emotional connections. Dr. Liz suggested starting with small gestures such as holding hands again or brushing up against each other as you pass by.
• Listening and Understanding: Taking turns to listen and validate each other’s feelings strengthens bonds. Dr. Liz quoted a couples therapist, “Three magic words when you’re the listener are ‘that makes sense.'”

Breaking Routines

While routines provide comfort, they can also become monotonous. Dr. Liz encouraged couples to try new activities together, which stimulate the brain and rekindle excitement. She advised, “When you have a partner who says, ‘I really want to try a new restaurant,’ or ‘I want to try that new hike,’ just say yes.”

Setting Goals Together

Setting shared goals, like planning a trip, can renew enthusiasm in the relationship. Dr. Liz shared an example of a couple who decided to save money for a Christmas trip to Paris, which revitalized their connection. She noted, “It just renewed them again. They left with a little pep in their step.”

Dr. Liz’s podcast, “Stronger Marriage Connection,” provides guidance and inspiration for couples. Find the Stronger Marriage Connection podcast here.