Tips for Car Cooperation and Happy Communication


This season you will no doubt find yourself packed in a car with all the whole
family. So how do you survive the family car ride, and even better – turn it
into an enjoyable experience? Studio 5 relationship coach Matt Townsend
says if you learn to “manage” it will pay off in the long run.


If you’re reading this post than you obviously already know the potential
pitfalls of trying to drive hundreds of miles with your children in a confined
space. The key to having a healthy and happy car ride is to understand that
all human beings despite their diversity and differences have virtually the
same basic needs. In essence despite our ages we really are all more a like
then different. So if this is the case, then there really are only a few things
we really need to worry about. Here are a few things that if we manage well,
will pay in the long run.

Manage Your Expectations

· When perfect isn’t possible, than settle for pleasant. Do not set out to
create the “perfect” experience, instead focus your energy on trying to
“increase the odds” of having a “pleasant” trip.

· The mere fact you survive is an accomplishment. You have a variety of
children, with various levels of tolerance, ability and patience trapped in a
cramped car for extended periods of time. It is a recipe for disaster, so short
of you killing everyone in your family, any positive outcome should be seen
as a serious achievement.

· Remember whoever cares the most, has the most work to do. So don’t
get frustrated with the fact that you are the only one fighting to keep
everyone happy in the car. It is simply a sign that you are working for what
matters most to you

Manage Your Conditions

In order to manage the conditions you have to take more control of the
conditions of the situation. That means that you need to know which
children can’t sit next to other children and which child can drink a lot of
fluids unless you want to stop every 20 minutes. By knowing your children
you’ll increase your ability to manage the conditions.A few conditions are
critical to pay attention to when you are such a tight space they are:

o Seating- Organize the seating chart yourself, it will literally be half the
battle. Mix the older children with the younger children and those that are
most alike. Do notleave the seating arrangements to your children they
won’t be thinking through it like you will. The key is to learn from the past
few trips and figure out what you know works best then always do what
works!

o Spacing- While putting the seating together also watch out for the
spacing. For many people the most upsetting thing to travelling in the car is
the feeling of having every else sitting on top of you. Put some of the bigger
kids next to the smaller kids or smaller children next to any child you have in
a car seat

o Schedule- Depending on how long you will be on the road may
determine if you want to drive some of the time during the early morning
hours so your children can sleep through some of their time. Don’t
underestimate how long the trip will really take with all of the stops and
surprises that may come along.You could simply add 2 hours to longer trip
and usually come out right on schedule.

o Stops- Nothing can ruin the flow of a trip more than needing to stop too
much or a driver who is unwilling to stop at all. As every race car driver
knows, make every pit stop count! Plan them out and make it a point to do
multiple things at every stop like bathroom, food, fun and learning.
Remember that every fluid in is a fluid that needs to come out so make sure
that at every stop everyone hits the bathrooms.

o Superfluous- Some kids need to bring a blanket, pillow, toys, lunch
buffet, books, bags, I-Pods, video accessories, candy, etc. Many times you
will notice that the problem break out when one child’s junk starts to
encroach in the space of another child. Or when children are upset that they
didn’t bring as much junk as their brother or sister. Manage the extras and
don’t be afraid of saying no to the littles. Remember you’re just on a trip not
moving out.

Manage the Attention

Every school teacher knows that the key to classroom management is
managing their students attention. If you’re planning on a long drive with
your family, than spend a little bit of time paying attention to your kid’s
attention. Here are a few keys that may help;

· The Key to Children Management is Attention Management- The most
optimal time when kids will start to create problems for each other is usually
when they are bored and have nothing to do.

· Keep people occupied. Do not leave it up to your children to plan
enough ahead to keep themselves occupied. The reality is they won’t and
when they don’t you will pay.

· Some ideas- Bring trivia games, go around the car and have everyone talk
about what their biggest goals are for the New Year? Take notes and hold
each other accountable. Talk about your favorite’s, one goal for every good
car ride is to keep the people occupied.

Manage the Mood

Nothing is worse on a family trip than to have the excitement of the holiday
or trip to a relative’s house destroyed by a major family argument in the car.
Be very clear in your head about what the goal of the drive is and share that
goal with the family. Here are a few tools you can use to better manage the
mood

· Play to Your Audience

o Remember that you are trying to motivate your children, not your peers
so what you think is ok and acceptable will probably not be what they think is
acceptable. Nothing can ruin the mood of a trip than when the parents start
pushing a “their way or the highway” mentality on the trip.

· Feed the Kids or You’ll See the Beast!

o Nothing affects a person’s mood more than being hungry. Keep snacks
in the car that the children love to eat. Now is not a time to start pushing
vegetables. Nor is it the time to just eat junk food. Find food that will fill
them up and give them energy.

· Set The Mood With the Music

o Plan ahead and purchase some new CD for the car or I-Pod. Do not just
keep defaulting back to the same old songs you’ve had in your car for the
last 5 years. By spending a few dollars an minutes choosing better, relatable
music for the kids you’ll better manage their mood.

· Find the Funny

o Seriously nothing is funnier than to peer to the back seats and see what
your children have chosen to do. Laugh a lot, bring joke books, by the CD’s
of funny comedians and listen to those or tell stories about your childhood
and find a way to laugh off the stress of being caught in a car together.

· Do not let the mood of the onedetermine the mood of the family.

o We don’t need everyone happy, just as many as we can have happy. Be
willing to let the unhappy one to remain unhappy and focus on the moods of
the majority. Nothing is more contagious than seeing other people having
fun.

Manage YOURSELF!

This trip is important and if you haven’t noticed it already your work will
probably be the reason it will either succeed or fail. So the final thing to
manage is simply YOU! Stays focused on your goal and remember that if you
lose your head then odds are, someone else is going to lose theirs as well.
Here are four keys to better manage you on the trip.

· Don’t lose your cool!

o You are the only one who can manage your cool. Do not let a frustrated
teenager determine how your trip is going to go. Find a way to get some
sleep and eat before the trip so you can be at your highest levels.

· Don’t expect everyone else to read your mind!

o No one in the family has spent more time worrying or thinking about this
trip than you have. Don’t expect them all to be on the same page you are.
Now is the time to over communicate. Ask them to help you to complete
tasks and prepare. Help them understand the schedule and goals you have
made for the trip.

· Enroll Your Partner to Help

o Even though you may not think you should have to enroll your partner to
make the trip more meaningful and fun, do it anyway. When mom and dad
aren’t on the same page in a vacation, inevitably somebody is going to be
upset, which in turn can ruin an entire trip.

· Chillax

o Take a chill pill as my teenagers tell me every we are on a family trip.
Find a way to relax while on the trip. Put on your own headset and go to
your happy place. Let the chaos continue while you take a small breather.
Manage the Minutes

Although you can’t manage if your kids are going to get tired and onery or
not, you can better manage your Expectations, Conditions, Moods and
Yourself. The plan again does not guarantee that everything will go
perfectly, it just increases the odds.



“Free Coaching Session & Relationship Assessment”
www.matttownsend.com

801-747-2121

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