Relationship Coach Matt Townsend outlines some basic things to remember when trying to romance and understand the male psyche.
APPRECIATE THE DIFFERENCES…
► Men are simple.
o Men are visual creatures (that’s why we like lingerie)
o Men prefer action versus dialogue (action thriller versus chick flick, initiate sex more)
o Men prefer touch over talk (Men need 4x the touch than women do).
o Men’s prefer positive talk so their ego isn’t engaged.
o Men prefer solutions not problem (give us something to do).
o Men prefer to be solo versus social. (We want to go out with you not others).
o Men prefer to relax so they don’t have to react.
o Men prefer to do one thing versus multiple things at once (lets not take the kids).
o Men prefer to be simple versus complex.
o Men need choice in their lives.
► Don’t think we’re animals and don’t care…We do Care! Just differently.
o Be patient with us
o I don’t care like you care…we literally care differently.
► Sex is how we feel close to you…Closer in that act than anything else.
o Men feel closer to a women in the act of intimacy than they would ever believe or know. We’re not just sick, twisted, one track minds. We really know that we feel closer to you when we’re touching.
FOCUSED ON THE RITUAL NOT THE ROMANCE
► Think like a man…not a woman.
► Sometimes your need for romance means the man will feel uncomfortable.
► We’re very ritualistic-
o Think of a relationship that a man could have between his car, sports, hobby, remote controls or child and it is more about the rituals than the romance.
► A man’s best friend could be his dog and there is very little romance involved.
o Dogs are very ritualistic.
o They’re consistent and predictable.
o They’re affectionate.
o They’re unconditional.
o They’re accepting.
► It’s less pretentious and more relaxed.
► Men think predictability is the greatest compliment that they could offer.
o When men are comfortable they get boring. Their boring nature is showing you he’s comfortable, no longer needing to impress you. For him it means he feels safety yet many times she sees his comfort like he’s not trying but in reality, it means he feels safe and at home with her.
► Keep it simple: Guys don’t need much complication. Just buying his favorite cookies the next time you’re at the grocery store is a gesture he loves. You don’t have to go over the top to prove to him that you still care or that you are aware of little needs.
NOTHING IS SEXIER THAN A TRULY HAPPY PARTNER
► We just want our wife to just be happy. We equate a happy wife to an excellent husband.
o Look happier, sound happier, be happier!
o Smile once in a while
o Be grateful for what you do have
o Be positive about your life…talk about what is good in life.
o How blessed you are.
o Be less critical.
o When you’re not…we feel like a failure.
o Make their life easier and try to be positive.
o Reassure him that he’s doing a good job.
o Find what he’s doing well. Tell him when you feel safe with him. His role is to be your protector.
o Accept us for who we are…and how we’re doing…Don’t try to change….let us feel like we’re great just the way we are.
o Tell him how he’s special.
o Tell him how thankful you are for him. Cuddle with him whenever you can. Kiss him when he gets home.
o Tell him you’re attracted to him.
► Respect- We want to be respected by our wives?
o Compliments go a long way with men
o Men want to know that what they do matters
o Verbal affirmation
Matt Townsend is a Relationship Coach and can be contacted through www.marriagemattersutah.com or by calling (801) 747-2121.