Studio 5 Relationship Coach Matt Townsend reveals the four things that men really want to hear.
1. Sincere Compliments not criticisms.
√ The male ego impacts everything.
√ You will always get more from us if you use compliments and not criticisms.
√ We are also very literal so we take every little put down literally, even if you don’t mention our name.
√ If you’re always telling us what we do wrong our egos will be impacted and you will be compared to our mothers.
• “You are the best at putting the kids to bed, they always have more fun when you do it.”
• “I feel safer when you’re home than when I’m you’re out of town.”
• “What would I do without you?”
2. Specific actions not vague hints-
√Again men are very literal and are more apt to figure out your needs if you state them overtly than if you try to get us to figure it out.
√Men read the lines and women read between the lines.
√ Don’t hint and run. That’s when you hint to something you want and when we don’t pick up on the clue you run away mad at us.
• Sniff, Sniff, Sniff, “Ooooh, come smell this garbage….instead of take the garbage out please it stinks.”
• Hey babe, can you help make breakfast and clean up before we go to the game so I can relax the rest of the day?
• Can you please pick up Britton and drop him off piano on your way home?
3. His time is valued
√Men are very time sensitive.
√When it comes to time men basically need to know two things
■ How long is this all going to take?
♦ “Hey can you come with me for a couple of hours this morning to take the kids to the mall, I just can’t keep them safe alone.”
♦ Can you watch the kids from 1 to 3pm today while I go out with my mom?
■ When will he get his alone time?
♦ Statistically men are more solo beings and women are more social. Men like to be alone and want to know they don’t always have to be with their partner. They want to know that they have their own space.
♦ This is particularly hard when women never get their break.
♦ Why don’t you go do something for just you today.
♦ Why don’t you watch the game and I’ll take the kids with me to my moms.
♦ You don’t alway have to be part of our entourage…maybe you’d rather just stay home and take a break.
4. Watch your tone- Positivity not Negativity
√ Men are highly reactive.
√ We tend to match your tone and feeling. If you are negative, we will quickly turn negative. If you are positive, we will be positive.
√ Men think your negativity is a reflection on their ability to provide for you.
√ When you are happy with your life, we are happy with you.
The minute you are unhappy about your life, we personalize it and begin reacting. Reactions usually don’t get you the healthy results you wanted.
For more information, you can contact Matt at the Townsend Relationship Center, www.marriagemattersutah.com, (801) 747-2121. Matt has a free, upcoming Date Night on Saturday, April 18. Admission is free, but reservations are required.