Be a Friend: Introduction Etiquette

Etiquette expert and owner of Impact Factory Utah, Ellen Reddick breaks down introduction etiquette.

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The most important point about introductions is to make them. Failing to do so causes embarrassment and discomfort. If given a choice, most people would prefer you to make the introduction incorrectly, even if you forgot their name, rather than stand there unacknowledged and disregarded.

A second important point in any introduction is the order of names. The name of the person being introduced is mentioned last, and the person to whom the introduction is made is mentioned first. The rules for who is introduced to whom depends on whether it’s a business or a social introduction.

Business Introductions: In business, introductions are based on power and hierarchy. Simply, persons of lesser authority are introduced to persons of greater authority. Gender plays no role in business etiquette; nor does it affect the order of introductions.

For example, you would say, “Mr./Ms. Greater Authority, I would like to introduce Mr./Ms. Lesser Authority.” However, the person holding the highest rank may not be Mr./Ms. Greater Authority. A client, for instance, always takes precedence over anyone in your organization, as does an elected official. Here are examples of pecking order:
But, these are the exceptions to the rule. Social etiquette is based on chivalry, so both formal and informal introductions are made according to age, then gender, and then social status. The man would be introduced to the woman in a social situation unless the man is obviously a great deal older, in which case one would defer to age over gender. For example, if both persons are of the same generation, you would say, “Mrs. Jameson, I’d like to introduce Mr. Horton.” But, if the woman is considerably younger, you would say, ” Mr. Horton, this is my daughter Hilary.”

As you make the introduction, include a brief but meaningful piece of information about each of the people to explain their uniqueness or importance. “Sally is the PR consultant who helped me get all that coverage in the national press. Bob is the photographer whose work you admired in my office, Sally.” Never qualify a description by saying “my best client” or “my dearest friend” because the automatic implication is that the other person holds a lower position in your personal hierarchy. When in doubt, be less personal rather than more personal.
The Nuances: As you say each of the individuals’ names, look at him or her. In this way, you focus attention on them and make them feel important while appearing to be in control. Once a conversation has begun and everyone seems at ease, you may excuse yourself.

When introducing relatives to other people, always clarify their relationship to you; it avoids any possible faux pas that could result from inadvertent comments. Never refer to your own spouse as Mr. or Mrs. in a social introduction. Simply saying “Matt, my husband,” or “Kitty, my wife” is sufficient.

When introducing peers to one another, mention both the first and last names. It doesn’t matter who is introduced to whom. Including a tidbit of information that might start the conversational ball rolling is always a good idea. Even if everyone in a group is on a first name basis, introduce people by both first and last names. But, if you only know one person’s first name, be consistent in your introductions and use their surnames, “Ms. White, Mr. Clark”.

Introductions at Functions: At social events, it’s not necessary to introduce a newcomer to everyone in the room. Introduce that person to the closest group by saying the newcomer’s name first and then giving the names of the others. Ask the members of the group to introduce themselves if you can’t remember everyone’s name. Make sure from time to time, though, that the person is circulating.

Any function, the host should meet all the guests to make them feel as if their presence matters. At many business functions, guests may not know the host. It’s a good idea to appoint several representatives of the corporation to stand by the door to act as greeters when guests arrive.

For functions with more than fifty guests, a receiving line within the party area is preferable to insure that everyone meets the host.
Introducing Yourself: If no-one introduces you, step in and introduce yourself. Someone may be too embarrassed to admit forgetting a name or may be distracted by other matters. Feeling slighted because you were not introduced only puts you at a disadvantage.

As a guest, it’s your duty to circulate and introduce yourself at any function, large or small, especially if the host or hostess is busy.

Always use both names when introducing yourself to convey the message that you take yourself seriously as an adult and expect the same treatment from others.

Be clear and concise in your introduction; the fastest way to alienate a new acquaintance is to ramble on about your life history or, worse, your problems or illnesses.

Try to gauge information that will be of interest to the others. At business functions, it would be appropriate to mention where you work. However, just saying “I’m in public relations at IBM” is not likely to stir a great deal of interest or conversation whereas “I try to lure investment in IBM by working on the company’s annual reports,” might be more interesting. Just don’t focus too much attention on yourself with grandiose pronouncements.

Don’t expect someone else to be forthcoming with their job information at functions that are not strictly business because many people feel that they are not defined by employment.

At any business meal, always introduce yourself to the people sitting next to you to open the way for conversation. Not introducing yourself can cost you a valuable business lead because few people want to deal with someone who comes across as aloof or unsavvy.

Responding to Introductions: The way you respond to someone else’s introduction is just as important as making the introduction.

Beware of phrases like, “Pleased to meet you” because that may not be true after only a few minutes of conversation.

Rising to the Occasion: Always stand for introductions. Everyone should rise to greet newcomers at both business and social functions. The old rule that a woman remains seated when new people enter a room and are introduced is obsolete. At a very large function, only those nearest the newcomer would rise and say hello. If you are wedged into a tight position in a restaurant, there may not always be sufficient room to stand properly, but at least make the attempt so that by remaining seated you will not be perceived as aloof. In an office, always rise and come around from behind the desk to greet visitors.

Remembering Names: If you forget someone’s name when making an introduction, try putting the other people at ease rather than concentrating on your own embarrassment. Remain calm.

When you’re introduced to someone, say the person’s name, then repeat it several times during the conversation. Not only do you project a genuine interest in someone by repeating their name, but the repetition is more likely to imprint the name on your memory. When someone seems to have forgotten your name, just jump in, hand outstretched, a smile on your face, and offer your name.

Now that you have a better understanding of meeting and greeting people, heed Lord Beaverbrook’s admonition:

“Be fearless and each day you must meet someone new.”

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Ellen Reddick is the co-founder of Impact Factory Utah and Elite Business Communications, Inc. Salt Lake City based companies specializing in training, consulting and coaching in business professionalism and communications.

Ellen can be reached at: (801) 581-0369 or www.impactfactorytutah.com.