The biggest predictor of anxiety? It’s not trauma. The hidden impact of a hurried parent on kids

The biggest predictor of anxiety isn’t what you might think.

“Children who are raised by a hurried parent are more likely to experience chronic anxiety as an adult. This is a big deal – and we can do something about it.” 

With anxiety on the rise among adults, many parents are concerned about how to help their children avoid excess anxiety as they grow older. You might think that childhood trauma, divorce, or loss are the greatest causes of anxiety in later life, but that’s not the case. 

Studio 5 Parenting Contributor Heather Johnson shared that the biggest predictor of anxiety in children later in life is being raised by a hurried parent. “This significant finding should prompt all of us to reconsider our priorities and daily goals as parents and families,” Heather encouraged. Hurried parents tend to raise hurried kids, leading to increased anxiety in adulthood. 

Characteristics of a Hurried Parent

A hurried parent is not someone who rushes their children out the door. Heather explained, “A hurried parent is someone who is introducing their children to things that are above and beyond their age and ability, pushing them to hurry and grow up faster than they need to.” This includes overscheduling their lives, involving them in adult conversations, and prioritizing extrinsic achievements over intrinsic values. 

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Long-Term Effects on Children

The impact of hurried parenting extends into adulthood. Heather noted, “These are then adults who have a hard time with relationships, have lower self-esteem, and tie their worth to their performance.” This can lead to difficulties in managing emotions, creating a healthy work-life balance, and an overarching sense of anxiety. 

7 Steps Parents Can Take

Heather offered advice for parents to mitigate the effects of hurried parenting: 

1. Think Long Term: Make decisions that benefit your children in the long run, not just for immediate needs. Heather advised, “We want to ask ourselves, are the choices that we’re making right now, today, actually going to benefit them long term?” 
2. Consider Your Motives: Reflect on whether you are pushing your children for their benefit or to alleviate your own anxieties. “We hurry them to grow up so that our own anxiety or fears are taken care of,” Heather explained. 
3. Create Balance: Ensure there is a balance between structured activities and free play. “We want to keep that balance and allow there to be age-appropriate play and fun,” said Heather. 
4. Trust the Process: Allow children to engage in unstructured play and trust that it is beneficial for their development. Heather emphasized, “We don’t trust that play is the best teacher for our kids. It’s time for us to trust that process.” 
5. Prioritize Family Time: Make deliberate efforts to spend quality time together as a family. “Family is the best place for our kids to learn something, manage emotions, and feel accepted,” Heather stated. 
6. Schedule Downtime: Ensure that both parents and children have time to recharge. “Downtime should be an opportunity for our kids to recharge so they can go back to school with more energy and confidence,” Heather advised. 
7. Create Routines: Establish predictable routines to provide a sense of safety and control for children. “When things are predictable, kids feel safe, learn to trust, manage emotions, and build relationships,” Heather explained. 

To contact Heather for counseling, email blog.familyvolley@gmail.com, or visit www.familyvolley.blogspot.com.