Eat Right Together

Dietician, Kristi Spence, explains how couples can overcome eating obstacles.

The key is awareness! What are you doing currently, and what needs to change? What does your eating environment look like? What do your eating habits look like? We can’t change current behaviors unless we know what is going on and what we might actually need to change, so we need to start by taking stock of what we are doing, what our significant other is doing, and if applicable, what our kids are doing. We need to consider this in two arenas:
1.) Habits
2.) Environment

Let me give you some examples of some habits that I have encountered in patients over the years and use these as an example of what I mean.

Scenario 1: “My husband comes home from work and he’s really hungry, so he pulls open the drawer, grabs a bag of chips and snacks as I prepare dinner. I wasn’t all that hungry, but when I saw the chips, I thought, ‘Oh those sound kind of good!’ so I start snacking too.”

Scenario 2: “I always pick at my kids food, even after I have already eaten. It is sitting there, so I just eat it.”

Scenario 3: “I notice that I eat more or eat different things when I am out with certain friends or family.”

Scenario 4: “I want to give my kids good, healthy meals, but I often feel that my biggest enemy is my husband. He doesn’t like to eat healthfully – I understand that that is his choice, but it means that I cook one meal for us and he brings home or fixes something different. My kids wonder why dad doesn’t have to eat what we are eating.”

Scenario 5: “I always feel like I need something sweet after dinner – a little treat”

Scenario 6: “My wife likes to have a candy jar out on the console table. She has no problem walking past without grabbing a piece (or two or five), but I can’t help it. The candy calls to me and I grab a piece. If I put the jar in the cupboard, even if I know it is there, I don’t even think about it.”

In the chart below, I have identified some common habits and environmental triggers that can be potentially problematic. The solutions and the research on which many of these concepts are based come from work done by Brian Wansink, author of Mindless Eating.

The Habit	The Problem (could be any/all or a combination)	The Solution
Always eating after work/school before dinner	· We may end up eating more than we would otherwise eat… · Eating out of the package causes us to eat more than we might otherwise eat · Are we eating purely out of habit or stress in the absence of true physical hunger · Do we have better choices?	· Put 10-15 chips on a plate, stop when finished instead of returning to get the bag · Check in with your body when you get home, are you really hungry? · Consider alternatives: Veggies and hummus, a cup of yogurt, fruit and a cheese stick – something to take the edge off but not too much to fill you up before dinner or bust your calorie budget for the day · Create a snack plate for when your spouse comes home from work or your kids come home from school. When the plate of food is gone, the edge is off their hunger and it’s time to do something else before dinner. · Stock the drawer with good choices.
Eating when stressed or emotional	We often eat to quench other emotions. This is problematic because the food often isn’t satisfying and this type of behavior can lead to poor self-esteem. Eating doesn’t deal with the issue at hand.	It helps to become more aware of what is really going on. Are you stressed, tired, angry, or frustrated? Are you really hungry? Try dealing with the actual issue. If you can’t, just becoming aware of what’s going on and the fact that you are not hungry will help.
Eating off kids plates	Parents often end up eating a significant amount of calories when they eat off their kid’s plates in addition to eating their own meals.	· Throw away or save what your kids don’t eat. · Serve your kids less food or an amount that they will eat. · Ask yourself if you are hungry before you pick up their fork. If the answer is no but you are doing this out of habit, stop, slow down and let your child finish or pick up the dishes and do something else.
Kids don’t like certain foods out of principle	Lack of variety and missing out on key nutrients. Kids’ tastes for various foods and ingredients change rapidly, so it is really important to encourage your kids to try things over and over and prepared different ways.	· Get the kids involved with the preparation · Try preparing the food differently · Set yourself up for success. Be positive about the dish; perhaps even call it something different. · Set the table
Eating out	This isn’t an inherent problem, but for many couples, eating out becomes a habit. We can overeat, eat less nutrient rich foods, and spend more money if we eat out too frequently.	Do you want to prepare more food at home? What are the barriers, how can your spouse help? Can you plan ahead; can you get your family involved? Maybe you can choose 1 night per week as “date night” or “family night out”
Eating after dinner	Again, not inherently bad, but are we eating just because we have developed the habit and we always do. Many of us like something sweet after a meal, but this doesn’t have to be a big dessert.	· Portion sizes are key! o Use smaller dishes o Take time to really enjoy what you are eating o Slow down o Eat together · Redefine treat. If you love ice-cream, try mixing vanilla ice cream with some plain yogurt or use a smaller dish · Consider a cup of hot cocoa or a cup of tea.
Preparing multiple meals for picky eaters	· Hard on the preparer · Sends the message that it is OK to avoid certain foods	· Try making compromises, preparing pieces of a meal that everyone will enjoy · Set up the expectation that there is just one dinner · Establish the “you have to try it” rule.

The Environment	The Problem	The Solution
One spouse is eating so the other one eats	Research shows that the behaviors of our family and friends drive our own eating habits. If someone around us is eating more or a certain type of food, we are likely to follow those behaviors and patterns.	· Analyze your own behaviors, check in with your body. If you aren’t hungry, stop eating. · If it feels awkward to eat less or more than others, time your eating pace to coincide with your partners.
Distractions (TV, computer, events)	We tend to eat more mindlessly when we are distracted, and when we eat mindlessly, we aren’t aware of when we are actually full, so we often eat more than we would otherwise eat	· Don’t eat when distracted · Portion out food before sitting in front of the TV so the temptation mindlessly reach into the bag for more and more isn’t there.
Lack of support from both parents	· Kids feel that if one parent doesn’t eat vegetables, they shouldn’t have to either. · Potential conflict inconsistent messages.	Determine as a couple what your priorities are for developing healthy eating habits in your kids as a. Being on the same page is REALLY important, even if you have to make compromises and concessions to get there.
Lack of involvement	Leads one person to feel the burden of all the work/underappreciated?	· Prepare meals together. Use this as time to talk about your day, unwind. · Figure out what your spouse may like to do in the kitchen. Maybe helping prep the food isn’t his/her idea of fun, but putting on music, or engaging in conversation while you cook could work quite well.
A messy table	Sounds silly, but when we eat all over the house and don’t have a central consistent place to sit, we may eat more quickly and we may not enjoy the meal as much	Create a comfortable, cozy place to eat. The food will taste better, and the family/couple may be more engaged.
Food dishes on the table	When the serving dish is in front of us, we have the suggestion of more and often take it	Leave the serving dishes in the kitchen. This forces you to ask yourself if you are really still hungry before going back for seconds
Big plates	We tend to fill our plate. If we are using big plates we dish up more food.	For couples looking to curb calorie intake but still feel satisfied, invest in slightly smaller plates. You will still have the same visual of a full plate, but you will be eating less food.
The candy jar	The suggestion of food is quite compelling. While some of us can pass right by a candy jar, others can’t	· Can you work with your spouse on coming up with a compromise? Maybe the candy jar can be out when guests come over but put away when it is just the two of you? · Can you fill the candy jar with something less salient?

For more information contact:
Kristi Spence MS, RD, CSSD
Director of Health & Wellness
Mountain West Dairy Promotion
1213 East 2100 South
Salt Lake City, UT 84106
kristi.utahdairy@gmail.com