Eldest Daughter Syndrome: Support the oldest girl in your family in these 3 ways

Here’s how to know if your daughter is feeling Eldest Daughter Syndrome.

We know the stereotypes around birth order: the overachieving oldest child, the sometimes-forgotten middle child, and the outgoing youngest. While these are just stereotypes, a new category is being recognized that resonates with many women: Eldest Daughter Syndrome. This term describes the unique pressures and responsibilities often placed on the oldest daughter in a family.

Studio 5 Parenting Contributor Heather Johnson discussed how parents can navigate this concept.

Reflecting on her own experience as the eldest daughter, Heather noted, “I don’t feel like it was put on me… I do feel though that there’s parts of this that are true for me because that’s who I am already.”

Characteristics of Eldest Daughter Syndrome

Several characteristics define Eldest Daughter Syndrome:

• Responsibility: Eldest daughters often take on more responsibility, especially in caring for younger siblings.
• Perfectionism: There is a need to do everything right, driven by a fear of failure.
• Rule-Following: They tend to love rules and prefer structure and order.

Recognizing Negative Pressures

Parents should be aware of when these pressures become too much. Physical manifestations like headaches and stomach aches can be signs. Heather advised, “You’re going to see the perfectionism. You’re going to see them really be really critical of themselves.”

Supporting Eldest Daughters

To support eldest daughters, parents can:

• Promote Independence: Encourage activities that don’t align with their natural tendencies. For example, if they are natural leaders, support them in roles that require them to be in the background.
• Provide Emotional Support: Create a safe space for them to express their emotions. Heather suggested, “When they come to us and say, this is hard… be able to sit still and say, I’m sorry that this is so challenging.”
• Avoid Rushing Their Growth: Allow them to enjoy their childhood without rushing them into responsibilities. “We have to let them be kids… instead of thinking that we need them to be five or ten years ahead.”

To contact Heather for counseling, email blog.familyvolley@gmail.com, or visit www.familyvolley.blogspot.com.