Studio 5 Relationship Coach Matt Townsend explains how to take the “healthy hobby” test and then make it work for both of you.
1. Take the “healthy hobby” test
Healthy hobbies are hobbies that make your life feel more whole and complete. Ask the following questions to determine if your hobbies are healthy or unhealthy.
1. Does your hobby allow you the time to strengthen the relationships that are most important in your life?
2. Does the hobby eliminate stress and frustrations which enable you to handle those around you more effectively? (Does it make you feel rejuvenated for the day, week, month?)
3. Does the hobby allow you to spend time doing the other important things in your life? (Providing meals for family, cleaning house, church responsibilities, being effective at work, sleeping, etc. . .)
4. Does your hobby help you feel that you are making a difference in the world and connecting to a bigger purpose in life? (Scrapbooks, providing beautiful music . . )
5. When participating in your hobby, are you living your highest values and principles? (Do you start talking like a sailor when out hunting with your buddies?)
6. Would you be proud to announce to everyone the details of your hobby?
**Once you’ve determined if your hobbies are healthy or unhealthy, then here are two more important points about hobbies.
2. Balance time between your spouse and hobby
• Put just as much time into your relationship as you do with your hobby. How can we do both things? Don’t either/ or it.
• We need to communicate
• The thing that people don’t like the most about their spouse’s hobby is that it takes away the balance.
• Participate in some of each other’s hobbies.
3. Find the joy in their joy
• How many times have you gone to one of your children’s soccer games, or classroom parties or piano recitals and felt joy watching your child excel and thoroughly enjoy what they were doing? Is that a wonderful experience to just find joy in the joy of someone else? To see someone maximizing their talents, having what they would call an “optimal” experience in their life. Many times we don’t enjoy our partner’s hobbies because we aren’t looking for or finding the joy that the hobby brings to our partners life.
• Look at the attraction, not the distraction — What is it that makes them feel so excited about something you just don’t understand or like to do. Is it the creative outlet? The chance of being together with others? Is it just something that creates good memories of their childhood or what? Is it something they learned from their dad?
Matt works with couples and families to strengthen relationships. You can contact him through the Townsend Relationship Center at www.marriagemattersutah.com or (801) 747-2121. You can also attend a date night with Matt:
Date Night with Matt Townsend
Friday, February 12, 2010
7:00 pm to 9:00 pm
$20 per couple
Located at Noah’s in South Jordan.
To register call