Four Keys to get Back in the Saddle

Marriage Counselor Matt Townsend shares his four keys for getting back in the dating scene.


Four Keys to Help You Get Back in the Saddle

1. Make sure you’re ready to ride

• Ask yourself if you’re really ready for another relationship.

• Have you grieved enough? Are you still thinking about your “ex” constantly?

• Make sure you work through the negative feelings before you move on.

• You don’t want to date to get over the past relationship…that’s not fair to others.

2. Don’t get back on the horse before you’ve learned what you need to learn.

• Since we know that most relationships end, including 50% of marriages, the key may not be success, but what are you learning.

• Most relationships disintegrate for common reasons and some of those can be helped; Communication issues, Companionship issues and Character issues.

• If your relationship fell apart for any of those reasons, get help.

3. Get a posse and a plan

• Sometimes you’re not the most objective about of who is best for you…get some outside help.

o Get a coach, counselors, religious leaders

o Rely on friends and family

• Let them line you up and double date with you at first and get your confidence back.

• It’s easier to make something happen if you know what you’re looking to create. Understanding what you really want will determine how, when and where you go looking for your next date.

• Are you looking for a new marriage? Just to have fun, meet new people or what?

• Watch out for feeling lonely.

4. Focus on the present ride, not the last trip

• Date in the present, not the past.

• Don’t talk about your ex.

• Don’t date to work out your past…it’s not fair on your present date.

• Be yourself; remember you still have to be you in any long term relationship.

• Have fun, be fun. Nothing is more interesting than having fun.

• Don’t put too much pressure on the first or second date.

The Goal is not to find the perfect partner but to be the perfect partner…worry about what you can influence…not everything else.


For more information, or to contact Matt, visit his website

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