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Friends, or frenemies? How to teach kids what healthy relationships look like

You don’t want your kids to have frenemies…

Even grown women struggle to navigate the complexities of friendships, so it’s no surprise that kids need guidance too.

Alexis and Chanté, motivational speakers and hosts of the online community “Let’s Talk Sis,” shared their advice on helping children manage difficult friendships.

 

Understanding the Challenge

Alexis and Chanté emphasized that it’s natural for moms to feel deeply for their kids and want to protect them. However, it’s important to balance these emotions and use these situations as learning opportunities. “We have these very human responses where we are feeling so deeply for our kids,” said Alexis. “But this is also such a great practice opportunity to help them identify their feelings, their emotions, find words to express themselves, and create healthy boundaries.”

Modeling Healthy Relationships

Children are always watching how adults handle their relationships. Chanté noted, “They are absolutely listening, and how we navigate conflict in our marriage, in our family relationships, our adult friendships, they’re absolutely watching us.” It’s important to model appropriate behavior and conflict resolution.

Community Insights

The “Let’s Talk Sis” Instagram community offers advice on not rescuing kids from every conflict. Instead, parents should ask questions like, “How do you think the other person was feeling?” and role-play scenarios to help children handle situations independently.

Teaching Perspective-Taking

Teaching kids to understand and express their perspectives, as well as consider others’ viewpoints, is crucial. Chanté explained, “We can say, ‘Hey, how do you think so-and-so felt? Maybe she was feeling kind of backed in a corner and she didn’t know what to say. How did you feel? Can you express how that made you feel?’”

Identifying Red Flags

Helping kids recognize red flags in friendships is essential. Alexis advised asking children how they feel in certain groups and whether they can be their best selves. “Instead of just saying, ‘I don’t want you hanging out with so and so,’ ask, ‘Do you feel like you can be your best self? Do you feel like they listen to you?’”

Encouraging Diverse Friendships

Diversifying friendship circles can prevent problems that arise from being with the same group all the time. Alexis suggested, “It’s so important to diversify your friendship circles. Sometimes problems arise when you’re with the same group all the time.”

Focusing on Quality Over Quantity

Encouraging kids to focus on the quality of friendships rather than the number of friends is vital. Alexis emphasized, “It’s not a number game. It’s about quality. Ask your kids what a quality friendship feels like?”

Self-Care and Friendships

Good friendships are a form of self-care. Chanté highlighted, “Friendships and human connection are so important to our mental health. When we are investing in good healthy friendships, and we’re also working on ourselves, it is a form of self-care.”


For more insights and advice, follow Alexis and Chanté on Instagram at @letstalk_sis and stay tuned for their upcoming podcast, “Let’s Talk Sis.”

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