A complaint is simply negative energy trying to find a way out. So instead
of complaining and ruining our days and everyone else’s, lets just find a
better way to get these ideas out of us.
Studio 5 Relationship Coach Matt Townsend shares some rules for being a
Here’s a few complaints of Studio 5 Facebook friends and my
responses, to help them manage their complaints.
Crystal Iliff Lindsey
I have a husband that I love dearly. He’s a hard worker and an amazing
father but has issues with helping me around the house. I will bring
it up to him (usually after I’ve had a meltdown about the house) and he
will help for about a week or so but then it’s back to how it was
before we talked. I don’t want to sound like a nag so I’ll just mention
here and there that I need a bit of help but it doesn’t sink in. Then
the process repeats itself. It bottles up until I melt down . . . we have a talk
then……. what frustrates me is he knows it needs to be done…..WHY
DO I HAVE TO ASK FOR HELP? PLEASE HELP!!!!!
RULE: BE DIFFERENT
Part of your problem is that you keep doing the same thing you’ve always
been doing and it still isn’t working. Perhaps the key to this solution is to
start being different. What would happen if you cared less that the house
was clean? Or if you cared less that your husband helped? Maybe you
should just start hiring a neighbor girl to come over and clean about 6pm
when your husband is home. While she is cleaning just sit on the couch
next to your husband and watch together. After about a week of watching
the house getting cleaner and your wallet getting leaner, I bet he’ll want to
“fix” the problem. Ironically when we start to be different, it inevitably
forces those around us to be different as well. We know that that principle
already works because every time you have your breakdown, he picks his
game up? That is a sure fire sign that being different will work with him
because it already does!
Tiffany Pratt Sanderson
Having to share the road with other people. I’m pretty sure I’m the only
one who ever went to drivers ed! I’m also pretty sure everyone in their cars
around me feels the exact same way about everyone else!
RULE: BE UNDERSTANDING
Notice that some of our issues aren’t really even worth complaining about,
because all the complaining that you do isn’t really going to change
anything. So instead of getting others to try to change what they’re doing,
let’s instead try to change our thinking or how we’re seeing this problem.
Ask yourself some simple questions…
· Will this really matter 10 years from know?
· Honestly have I ever done anything similar to that?
· What must be going on inside someone to think that this is ok?
· What information don’t I have about this situation?
By learning to reframe the issues and our thinking in our lives, we can turn
our complaints into understanding, and the more we understand ourselves
and others, the less we’ll need to complain. The greatest human gift we
have is the ability to evaluate how we see the world and that affects how we
live in the world.
Karen Case Haymond
Mom who comes to my house and takes over anything I’m doing (book I’m
reading, puzzle I’m working on, newspaper I’m reading). If I leave for a
second she claims it and says I used to take her stuff (haven’t lived at home
for over 20 years) so she is entitled to take my stuff.
RULE: BE HAPPILY UNPREDICTABLE
One of the reasons that people are consistenly being taken advantage of is
because they are consistent. Nothing creates more change in life than
simply being inconsistent. What would happen the next time your mom
took something “over” if you just went over to her and took it back? Just
walked right over and gently removed the book from her grasp and smiled
like a little 12 year old girl? Apparently that’s how you used to do it and it
used to work every time. By being unpredicatable, it forces your mom to
keep on her toes. What makes this technique even better is when you are
smiling and happy and loving when you do it. Intead of being mad that she
is doing your puzzle, go grab her a puzzle to do when she comes over. It
really is like raising a 2 year old. You wouldn’t fight the two year old, but
instead you just need to keep one step ahead of them. One of the biggest
benefits of being unpredictable is that they can’t easily anticipate what you
will do next, which will keep them in check and out of your way.
Date Night With Matt Townsend
Friday, May 18th, 2012