We are all just trying to do our best managing the day to day, so why do we
judge each other? Psychologist, Dr. Liz Hale, has tips to help stop the
finger pointing.
1. “Be the change you want to see in the world.”Gandhi
I don’t always know the changes I need to make about me until I start
pointing the critical finger at you…then the change I need to make
becomes obvious!
Make a practice to see the reverse; in other words, whatever comes out of
my judgmental mouth about you, I often turn it around and see where I am
just like” you.” Actually, it’s not even that altruistic…whatever judgment I
have about you, always belongs to me! I was in AZ visiting my father and
my sister who also lives there asked me to feed their guinea pig for a few
days while they were out of town. I remember going in to feed this very fat
guinea pig, looking around inside my sister’s laundry room thinking, “Man,
I know Mindy’s busy but she should really carve out a day or two and clean
this mess up.” Stuff was piled high across the counter tops. The cupboards
were full ~ it was the catch-all room for their fast-paced family. It was a
disaster!
About 2 weeks later, I’m getting ready to do some laundry in my own home
and I go to open the doors to my small laundry room, and everything that I
had piled high on my laundry room shelves came cascading down like a
water fall…the shelf had just given in because I had so much junk on it, like
things that really needed to be thrown out or placed in another storage
room….there it was! I saw my sisters’ laundry room right in my own
home!
A great message: Don’t judge me, help me! If we see that someone is
struggling, whether with an unruly child or heavy groceries, let’s not stand
back with a “tisk, tisk,” let’s step up and offer ourselves. “What can I do to
help?” “I’m here…lean on me.”
1. “The majority of problems cannot be solved; they need to be
outgrown.”
Imagine that someone is always watching you…and if you’re a parent, there
is always someone watching you!
Children live what they see.
Nothing in life is wasted; everything is for our development: to rise up and
become the kind of man or woman we are most proud of….and that always
takes living a higher law. How I feel about me is in direct proportion to how
I treat you.
2. “Want more for another than you want for yourself.”Dr. Liz
One of my favorite stories is of a woman living high in the Himalayans who
was of little means. In sitting by the side of the river one day, she reached
into the water and pulled out this marvelous, rare stone….it was exquisite
and worth great value. She placed it in her satchel by a little bread that she
had taken from home and went about her day. As she walked into the
village, a man traveling from another area stopped by to ask for directions
and also inquired if she had any food to spare because he was hungry and
poor. When she reached into her satchel to pull out the bread, this man
caught a glimpse of the rare gem. He knew that acquiring such a stone
would be the end of his grief and poverty…so he very boldly asks, “May I
have that?” And this woman says, “Yes!” The man walks away…..but the
very next day he comes back to find this woman. And he reaches out for
her hand to return the stone and he says to her, “I am bringing this back in
hopes that you will share something even more powerful with me: what is it
in YOU that allowed you to give that to me….can you teach me how to do
that?”
Want more for another than you want for yourself.
Let’s say we have a mother-in-law we struggle with. Mother’s Day is
coming up and so will that blessed get-together over Sunday dinner. What
is it that you want to feel that day? Peace? Love? Then, want feelings of
peace and love MORE for your mother-in-law than you want for yourself.
If you want to find your self-worth, focus on the worth of another. There is
no other way to TRUE PEACE.
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